9 Keys of Marriage, Part 2

Well, brethren, it's been several weeks ago, actually several months ago, I started a sermon entitled, Nine Vital Keys to a Vitalized Marriage. I gave the first part of that sermon.

Today, I'd like to give the second part. You may recall that I talked about marriage as a type of actually two things. One is that we know that Christ and the Church are to be married, so our marriages are a type of that, or that's a type of our marriage, is we should follow that example, follow that type, the love that Christ has for the Church and the love that we should have for Christ.

And I also mentioned that there's a tremendous love between the Father and the Son. The relationship that they've had for all eternity, since things began, since eternity. How do you describe that?

You really can't. But they've been around for as long as a round's been around.

And they've loved each other all that time, and the unity that they've had together. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. There was the spokesman, the Logos, who became known as the Christ. And then the Father, and they've been together for eternity, and that love is complete. You know, that love is perfect.

So our marriages are to reflect that kind of love, that kind of unity, and the kind of love that God, the Father, and Jesus Christ have for each other, and also the love that Christ has for the church, and the church should have for Christ. And of course, it is the firstfruits that will be marrying Christ at His return, and we are called out as the firstfruits of God. We have a very special relationship with God, and it is very important that our marriages reflect that kind of love, the kind of love that God and Christ have together, and that Christ has for the church. So again, I'll ask, how well is your marriage going? And if you're not married, that doesn't give you a free pass. You still have to listen, because frankly, the principles that we'll be talking about today, as you saw in the first part of this two-part series, are applicable to all people. In fact, if you'll remember, we talked about four vital keys the last time. The first one was love, loving your mate with all of your soul, mind, and heart. Loving them with all that is in you. That was the first point. Love your mate with all your heart, your soul, your mind. That's the first vital key to a vitalized marriage.

The second key was always seek joy and joyfulness in your relationship with your mate. Again, I talked about the reason we marry is because we want to be happy. We want to be joyful. We don't want to be miserable. That's not why we pick our mate. That's not why we decide to get married. It's so that we will live joyfully. The third principle was always seek peace with your mate. Seek peace with your mate at all times. Be a peacemaker in your relationship.

And the importance of peace. We talked a lot about peace during the Feast of Tabernacles and the wonderful peace that we'll have in God's kingdom. But we should have peace in our marriages now. The fourth vital key to a vitalized marriage was always be patient. Be long suffering. Be willing to suffer long to put up with the foibles that your mate has, the problems, the idiocy, idiosyncrasies, the strongheadedness and stubbornness. And those things you have to learn to to be patient because none of us are perfect and we all have problems. I see Mr. Woodall's pointing at his wife. Just kidding. They've done very well to be together as many years as they have.

They have a good sense of humor. That helps when you have a good sense of humor. But always be patient and willing to suffer long with your mate and to put up with, again, their shortcomings.

So those are the four points. And then I don't remember exactly how I concluded the sermon. I may have asked you, have you figured out where we're going? Do you know what the fifth principle is?

Because if you know where we're headed, you'll have a good idea what the fifth principle is.

Because the first four are the first four of the fruits of God's Holy Spirit.

The first four principles that we talked about love, joy, peace, and patience.

Those are the first four fruits that are listed in Galatians 5 in regard to the fruit of God's Holy Spirit. So if you know them in order, then you know the next principle in nine vital keys to a vital marriage. The fifth point is always be kindhearted toward your mate.

Kindness is the fifth fruit of God's Spirit. And that's why I say this is a sermon for everyone, young or old, married or not married. This is a sermon for everyone because all of us need to be more loving, we need to be more joyful, we need to be more peaceful, we need to be more patient with one another, we need to be more kindhearted. So these are the fruits of God's Holy Spirit and they're very very important. And if we reflect God's character in our marriages, then we will certainly be producing the fruit of God's Holy Spirit. And whenever marriages fall apart, it's because the fruits of God's Spirit are not being generated in the way they need to be.

Either both or certainly, I mean, oftentimes it's both the husband and the wife when a marriage fails. Both have problems with producing the fruit of God's Spirit. Now sometimes when a marriage fails, it is because one person is much much worse than the other one. I mean, that's frankly, divorces happen because one person is unfaithful, ungodly, unrighteous, you know, and sometimes divorces happen when it goes to that kind of a level. When a person is that, you know, that bent on doing ungodly practices and acts within a marriage or within at all, period, then sometimes it ends up in divorce. But if you have two converted people together, you know, really, divorce shouldn't happen. If you have two converted people that are exercising the fruits of God's Spirit, I find it very hard to fathom the necessity for a divorce if they're really producing the fruit of God's Spirit and doing all these things within their marriage. So the fifth point, again, the fifth vital key to a wonderful marriage is always be kind-hearted toward your mate. Be nice to your mate. Some of you may watch the series Everybody Loves Raymond. Some of you have probably seen that, and Raymond is always telling Deborah to be nice. Of course, he usually has done something to provoke her or something, but it's an interesting dynamic between Ray and Deborah Barone.

And Everybody Loves Raymond. By the way, I don't necessarily recommend that, although it's probably better than a lot of shows on TV. It doesn't have the 100% stamp of approval, but on the other hand, I've watched it. Some my wife watches. We've watched it quite a bit, actually, because it's better than a lot of the other stuff on TV. And unless you just throw your TV out altogether and don't watch anything. But it is important to be nice to your mate. You know, it goes a long way. When you're nasty, that really hurts your marriage, doesn't it?

You know, if you wake up in the morning and you're nasty and you remain nasty, and you don't get a grip on yourself and you're mean-hearted, mean-spirited all day long, what kind of a toll does that have on your marriage? Now, how long can a person put up with that kind of behavior toward them? You know, if you're just not a nice person, then it's going to do tremendous damage to your marriage. So I would encourage all of us to be nice, you know, to be kind-hearted toward our mates, and not just our mates, but to all people.

Again, this applies to all things. Let's go to Colossians chapter 3, and let's consider a few verses here in the book of Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians chapter 3 verse 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, and that is all of us here, you know, this is God's church. We are God's church here in Lawton. That doesn't mean there aren't perhaps other people that are converted, you know, around Lawton, but this is certainly representative of God's church, this little small group right here. So these words we should take to heart. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies. Kindness. Okay, kindness is important, isn't it? This is the second thing that Paul mentions in this verse. First of all, being merciful to one another, which is also a part of kindness.

I mean, they go hand in hand. Be merciful, be kind. Kind toward one another, then humility, humble, meekness, long suffering or patience. You'll notice that many of the fruits of God's Spirit are listed here in this particular verse. Bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

You know, we must forgive one another. That's what Christ tells us. That's what Paul tells us.

Christ speaking through Paul. Paul, motivated by the Spirit of God, he says, you must forgive. If you want to be forgiven, then you need to forgive because you'll be forgiven in the same manner that you forgive others. And we're all sinners. We all need to be forgiven, so we have to forgive one another. Verse 14, but above all these things, put on love another one of fruits, the fruits of God's Spirit, which is the bond of perfection and let the peace, there's another one of the fruits of God's Spirit, let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body and be thankful. That's also very important, being thankful. These are all important principles that we should have in our marriage. Be thankful to your mate for so many things, having a thankful heart and mind. So we should strive to be kind, kind to each other, kinder perhaps than we have been at times. I know there have been times when I have not been as kind as I should be. You know, sometimes the tempers flare and you get nasty, and you say nasty things. And, you know, we have to get a grip on that. We shouldn't make excuses for ourselves. That's sin. You know, when you're when you're nasty, that's mean that you're sinning.

You know, in a way, you're killing them in your heart because you're not loving them. And that's wrong. And so we should be willing to admit that and, you know, learn to be nice to one another, to be kind. Now, the following quote represents two imaginary journal entries of a wife and her husband, and it's reflective on the same day's events. Now, it does kind of give us an idea of that men and women do think differently. It doesn't make excuses, though, for us when we do something wrong or nasty or unkind, then we should be willing to admit it. But it does underscore there are differences that sometimes we have to consider in dealing with each other. So this is a journal entry from the wife. She says, tonight my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. Conversation wasn't flowing. So I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and he kept on driving. When we got home, he just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I don't know what to do. So she's obviously, you know, upset with the way the day went. Now this is his journal entry of the same day. Rough day. Boat would not start. Can't figure out why. That's it.

Rough day. Boat wouldn't start. Can't figure out why.

So that's kind of sad in a way, but he was oblivious to much of what was going on in his wife's mind and in her head. And he should not have been that oblivious. You know, that bass boat should not have been that important to him. I mean, let's face it. He could not start that bass boat in the morning. He wanted to catch some fish. It didn't happen. So he was just in a bad mood the rest of the day. And he was contemplating on what the problem was. How can I fix that problem? You know, he wasn't nearly as nasty as she probably thought he was in some ways because his his mind was preoccupied. However, men, we should not allow our minds to be that preoccupied.

So there are many lessons to be learned from that little story. We need to listen to our mates.

I mean, she was trying to get him to... I mean, maybe if she could have drawn him out and he could have talked about his boat. Maybe he could have got past it a little bit. And then he could have been a better company for her. But anyway, it was certainly mostly his fault for not being able to put that behind him and get his mind off of those physical things that sometimes thwart us as men. You know, we want to fix everything. And you know, we're selfish people.

Men are selfish, aren't they? Women, wouldn't you agree?

Well, I think we're all selfish, frankly, men and women. It's not just one gender that's selfish.

We're all selfish in various ways, but we do need to learn to communicate with each other.

And if we're kind toward each other, we'll understand the importance of communication, and we'll give of ourselves and learn to give more and learn to communicate better.

Again, always be kind-hearted toward your mate.

I might share another story with you. This is about the movie critic Roger Ebert. You've heard of Roger Ebert, probably. Well, he suffered greatly since 2006 from the effects of cancer.

I don't know if you're aware of that. This is from an article written by Susan Wozlizna.

Robert Ebert, I'm sorry, Roger Ebert finds his voice. This is from September 6, 2011, in USA Today.

She says, Ebert can no longer speak after cancer, which began with a tumor that was removed in 1987 and reoccurred years later, robbing him of his voice in 2006. Multiple surgeries to battle the disease that ravaged his thyroid, his salivary glands, and his jaw left him with a chin whose skin dangles loosely and leaves a gap where his throat should be. Eating and drinking are also out, replaced by a feeding tube. One person has helped Ebert through the ordeal, his wife Chas. Ebert reminds us of the power of love as he describes her support during this period of hardship. Again, she was very kind toward him. You'll see that in her actions. He says her love was like a wind pushing me back from the grave. You know, he was close to death, no doubt many times.

But he says her love was like a wind pushing me back from the grave.

In the poignant final quote by Ebert, this illustration displays how much our kindness and support can mean to a person who is suffering. Your love expressed to a person in need can be like a wind pushing them back from the grave. And a kindness can mean an awful lot. You know, if you act kindly toward someone who's, especially if they're having a difficult day, and you act kindly toward them, it can have a huge impact. The quote by Ebert can also describe the effect of God's love toward us. You know, God loves us, and his love should be somewhat like a wind that continually pushes us back from the grave. We have a desire to live. We want to live. You know, we want to draw closer to God as we understand his love toward us.

So the fifth vital key to a vital marriage is being kind-hearted. So I think that's something that we should ask ourselves as we go through our day, as we interact with our mate, and not just our mate, but our children as well. Am I being kind? Am I being kind-hearted? Or am I being hard-hearted? Am I being selfish? Those are good questions to ask us on a regular basis. Number six. Now, again, you may know what the sixth principle is. It's goodness. Always be good to your mate. Always be good to your mate. If you're always good to your mate, you really don't have too much to worry about, for the most part, if your mate has any kind of heart at all.

I mean, if you're good toward them and they have a right heart, a good heart, then things will go better. Of course, you know, there are addictions that people get into that cloud their judgment, you know, their alcoholism, and there's other types of addictions that sometimes mates get into that just destroy the marriages. And, you know, it's just very difficult to get past that. But anyway, this sixth principle is always be good to your mate. And anything that's keeping you from being good to your mate needs to stop, you know, whatever it might be. If your mate hates it, then stop doing it, you know, learn to love your mate and do what is good. And right, even if you may not agree totally, if it's causing heartache and problems for them, then be good to them and do what you need to do. Stop doing something, whatever it is. If you smoke and your wife wants you to quit and she pleads with you to quit and she, you know, it's hurting her secondhand smoke, then stop doing it, you know, find the love necessary to help you do the things that you should do. So again, be good to your mate. Don't be nasty to your mate. Do nice things again for your mate.

Find out what they like and do those things expecting nothing in return. Now we should do good things, nice things for our mates, not expecting anything in return because then it shows our attitude really isn't the best. If we're just getting to give or giving to get, if we're just giving to get, that's not the right kind of love. That's not a gape love.

A gape love is an unconditional love. It doesn't give to get, it gives to give because it's the right thing to do and that's, you know, that's coming out of the heart.

So find out again what your life or your wife or husband like and do those things expecting nothing in return. Also, make sure that you do acknowledge and reciprocate when your mate's being nice to you. When they're trying to go out of their way to do good things and nice things for you, you should take note of it. You shouldn't notice it and you should try to reciprocate.

In Romans chapter 15, it talks about goodness and it talks about being full of goodness, not just a little bit of goodness, but full of goodness. Romans chapter 15.

Romans chapter 15, I think I went to Romans 5 here. Romans 15 verse 14. Romans 15 verse 14.

Paul says, now I am myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness. You know, Paul was always trying to appeal to their better nature, wasn't he?

He says, I'm confident concerning you that you are full of goodness, that you are filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another to help each other. We should be that way as God's people. We should be full of goodness. That should be our goal in life, to become good, to reflect again the character of God in our lives, to be lights to the world, to be good examples. This word goodness is talking about active goodness, it's talking about doing something. Not just being a bump on a log, but doing something that's good, actively.

Now, here's something active that a wife did for her husband not too long ago. This was in the Anchorage Daily News. That's been a year or so ago, it was last winter, I think. Alaskan Dorothea Taylor, age 85, and her husband George Murphy. Now, don't ask me why they have different last names.

Who knows? I mean, maybe Alaskans just refuse to change their names. They may have been married for years, but some, for whatever reason, Dorothy Taylor and George Murphy are supposedly husband and wife. She's 85 and he's age 82. Now, they got into a tussle with the moose while taking their golden retrievers, feller and tut, out for some fresh air. This was from the Anchorage Daily News. Taylor was waiting in their truck. This is the wife. She was waiting in the truck to avoid the Alaskan sub-zero temperatures while her husband collected the dogs. That's when Murphy, the man, noticed the massive animal. He was way off. He spotted me and he started to come right after me. So, I was trying to get to the truck, but I didn't make it. Murphy, a bush pilot. Now, he's 82 years old. Does that mean he's still flying? Probably. Anyway, a bush pilot from Willow, Alaska, told the Daily News. I didn't make it. The moose caught Murphy and began stomping on him, stomping him into the snow. Fortunately, his five-foot-tall wife grabbed a shovel from the truck, 82 years old, grabs a shovel from the truck, and attacked the moose, taking swing after swing at the huge animal. When it turned and started to go off slowly, I hit it with everything I had, she said. Finally, the moose retreated and Tut, one of their dogs, then chased it off.

Taylor made it out of the fight unscathed. That's the wife. She made it out unscathed.

She was pretty quick swinging that shovel, or whatever it was, shovel, I guess, wasn't it?

Right. She was swinging the shovel. Finally, the moose retreated and again, it took off. She was unscathed, but her husband had seven broken ribs.

Broken ribs are very painful. He had seven of them and a six-inch cut on his forehead.

She said, well, we've helped each other out of problems before. This just happened to be the latest. So, how many of you wise would grab a shovel and go after a moose?

See, that was a good thing. That was active goodness. It might have been foolish in some ways, but it saved the man's life. So, she was willing to lay her life down.

Poor husband. She saw he was in trouble, that he was getting stomped by a moose, and she did what she could do. That's active goodness. That's actively taking apart and trying to do something that matters, something that makes a difference. So, make a difference in your mate's life. Do something good for her or for him. By the way, I'm missing my son.

By the way, I'm missing my wife today. I was looking forward to the long drive together.

But again, she wasn't feeling well. She was concerned that she would end up with a migraine if she made the trip.

Let's go to the seventh principle. Principle number seven.

Always be gentle, meek, and humble. Meekness, gentleness, humility. That's the seventh fruit of God's Holy Spirit. Always be gentle, meek, and humble with your mate.

I think we can see that if we really did these things, both mates, if both mates did these things, what wonderful marriages we would have. I mean, we would have some glorious marriages, wouldn't we?

If both both mates were doing all nine of these vital keys, producing the fruit of God's Spirit in their lives. So always be gentle, always be meek and humble with your mate. Again, how do you treat your mate? Are you gentle with her? Are you gentle with him? Is that how you treat them? Is that the overall way you treat your wife or your husband? With gentleness. Are you humble or are you proud? Are you vain and arrogant? Do you treat your wife or your husband arrogantly? Do you take them for granted? Do you take advantage of them? How do you treat your mate? Are you haughty or are you truly humble? Humility goes a long way in relationships with others, especially your mate.

You know, if you can be humble toward your mate, they love that, don't they? They respect that. They appreciate that. You know, you get nothing but good when you do good. I mean, listen, your husband or your wife want to please you a lot more when you're doing these wonderful things for them.

You know, when you're treating them well, they can't help but treat you better. You know, they still may have a long ways to go in how they treat you, but they can't help but treat you better. You know, the more the better you treat them, the better they'll treat you.

Now, let's go to 2 Corinthians chapter 10 verse 1. 2 Corinthians 10 verse 1.

2 Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 1. 2 Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 1. Now, I, Paul, myself, am pleading with you by the meekness and the gentleness of Christ. You know, Christ is known for his meekness. Christ is known for his gentleness. Is Christ weak?

Christ isn't weak at all, is He? Christ is the Almighty, the Almighty God. He's also referred to as the Everlasting Father.

Even though He's also referred to as an elder brother, you know, in Isaiah 9 it talks about Christ as an Everlasting Father.

He's also our elder brother. I mean, these are concepts. You know, Christ is a father to us in many ways, just like God the Father is a father to us.

Now, that shouldn't be hard to comprehend. You know, the Bible uses all kinds of expressions and things and analogies and types. And, you know, we have to be wise enough to figure out what it's saying.

So, here it talks about the meekness of Christ. Of course, the Father is meek as well.

They are one. They're, you know, they're one.

They're in unity together. They're the same.

They are composed of Holy Spirit. So, they produce the fruit of God's Holy Spirit in abundance, don't they? They're composed of Spirit.

So, this is the way they are.

They are meek and humble and gentle.

Now, that doesn't mean they're not strong. It doesn't mean at times they don't act in powerful ways.

We know they do. You know, we know what the Bible says about God.

God will rule with a rod of iron. Christ will rule with a rod of iron.

But nevertheless, He's also gentle. He's also meek and humble.

And we need to be that way with our mates. You know, we have to know when to behave in certain ways.

Now, there's a time to rule with a rod of iron.

I mean, I guess you can always rule with a rod of iron, but still be gentle as you're doing it.

You know, these are concepts that sometimes they're hard to grasp for us.

But Christ is very gentle and meek and humble, and yet powerful, strong, and willing to do what needs to be done in any given circumstance.

2 Corinthians 10, verse 1.

Now, I think there's time, perhaps, when a husband, you know, might have to act strongly toward his wife. You know, and I don't mean ever abuse her or beat her or lay a finger on her.

In that sense, you know, that's not what we're supposed to do.

But that doesn't mean we can't be strong with our wives or husbands. There's time when a wife has to also show that strength.

Anyway, it shows that Paul, he says, I'm pleading with you by the meekness and the gentleness of Christ, who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent and bold toward you. And Paul also was meek, but there were times when he had to exercise his authority, when he had to be strong.

So there's a balance here, and that's how you should take this sermon that I'm giving. Nine vital keys to a vitalized marriage. These are all very, very important principles, and they all need to be applied properly and with the proper godly balance.

So we should deal with one another with the meekness and the gentleness of Christ. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Now, if you treat your mate with that kind of respect and love and kindness and all the fruits of God's spirit, then it will go well with you, as long as the mate isn't hard-hearted and isn't completely off the track.

So the seventh principle again, and in fact, let's go to Galatians 6 before we conclude this point. Galatians 6, I talked a little bit about this already, the law of sowing and reaping.

Galatians 6, verse 1.

Actually, this isn't exactly the...yes, it's in verse 7, but let's go to verse 1 first. Galatians 6, verse 1.

God says we should restore people gently, because people are more apt to listen when we're gentle with them.

They're more apt to. Now, if they don't, after repeated efforts, then sometimes we have to get the two-by-four out. You know, figuratively.

Spiritually, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

For if anyone thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Okay, we're all nothing. I mean, we owe everything to God. You know, without Christ, we're nothing.

I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me, but I can do nothing that's really lasting and permanent and worthwhile, unless Christ is with me.

Verse 4.

For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the spirit will of the spirit reap everlasting life. If we're producing the fruit of God's spirit, we will reap everlasting life. And what better place to do this than in our marriage?

Exercising the fruit of God's spirit in our marriage.

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. You know, if you apply that to a marriage, oftentimes, again, there are big problems in marriages when we grow weary. And again, sometimes people have such difficult problems that they'll wear anyone down. And eventually it leads to divorce when that happens.

Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Now, one other place. Let's go to 2 Timothy 2. 2 Timothy 2. 2 Timothy 2. And read verses 24 through 26. 2 Timothy 2. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel. We are all servants of the Lord. You don't have to be ordained to be a servant of the Lord. You don't have to be a deacon or a deaconess or an elder, a minister, to be a servant of God because we're all servants. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach and patient in humility, correcting those who are in opposition. If God perhaps will grant them repentance so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. You know, Satan is powerful. Satan is the God of this world. Satan takes people captive. If he takes your mate captive, you're in big trouble, aren't you? You know, if he's got a hold of your mate in a satanic way and the mate is not resisting, remember, if you resist Satan, he will flee from you. But if you're not resisting Satan, he's going to be right there with you. And he's going to destroy your life and destroy your marriage.

So, the seventh point, again, is always be gentle and meek and humble with your mate. The eighth vital key to a vital marriage, a vitalized marriage, is always be faithful to your mate in all things. Always be faithful to your mate. Be faithful. Be honest. Be true. Be open with your mate.

I must say that my wife and I, we have a very honest, open relationship, and that has really helped us a great deal throughout our 34 years of marriage. We celebrated our 34th anniversary on the last great day. During the feast, we actually got married a day or two before the Day of Atonement.

And then it falls different, various places during the feast. Probably several of you got married during the feast or around the feast time. Well, we've been married 34 years, and thankfully we have an open and honest relationship, and we work out our problems. It's not that we don't ever have problems. It's not that we don't ever have issues.

It's not that we're never stubborn or hard-hearted or, you know, but we work those things out. And that's the important thing, is that you continue to work things out and be faithful to your mate. Because whenever you're not faithful, your marriage will take a huge hit. And there's lots of ways to be faithful and unfaithful in your marriage. We're not just talking about sexually.

That's certainly one of the most important things, is that you're faithful in your marriage in that way. But that's not the only way to be faithful. You know, there are many, many ways that we need to be faithful toward our mates.

And unfortunately, this world does make it difficult. And from the standpoint of where the world's been going in the last many years, we can see why there is a lot of unfaithfulness in our marriages. There's a lot of adultery. You know, I've been watching a series about King Henry VIII. And, you know, I mean, it was a very corrupt society back then. You know, there was a lot of adultery and things going on. And King Henry was obviously very guilty of these things in his own marriage. But at court, there were a lot of unfaithfulness. You know, it was just prevalent. And it's a sick world that we live in. It's been sick throughout the ages. You know, this is... it's perhaps worse now. I mean, I was listening to a religious station on the radio. Some of them are pretty good at times. Can't listen to everything. I shut it off several times because, you know, some of it you just don't want to listen to because it's just wrong and it's got a wrong approach toward it. But there was a message that David Jeremiah was giving. And some of it was not... we would not agree with. It was about basically voting and how a Christian should vote and so forth. I mean, I don't believe that that's something that a Christian needs to do. Some people may decide in their heart that they should, and that's between them and God. But for me personally, my citizenship is in heaven. My citizenship is not here on earth. And I choose not to do that. And I don't feel... I don't... I mean, I'll debate that with anybody that wants to debate it. But on the other hand, he was bringing out some things that were certainly good. And he was drawing some differences between the candidates. There are differences between the candidates. There are some huge differences. One of the things was about marriage. You know, President Obama has supported same-sex marriage. You know, he's come out with that. At first he didn't. And when you see him and his family, in some ways, you know, it looks like... And it probably is a good family in many ways, but he's liberal when it comes to this idea. And it's against God's way. It's unbiblical.

And, you know, there's no two ways of looking at that issue. You know, it's not godly for a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, to marry. And to have that kind of relationship. That was not ordained of God. In fact, God condemns that type of relationship. And we should also condemn it as well.

But let me read an article that was written by David Myers. It's called, The Deteriorating Standards of Sex on TV. You know, if things deteriorated at all on TV, for one thing, now we have Cinemax. Or Skin-a-Max, as some people refer to it. And there's HBO, and there's lots of other, you know, just bad stuff out there. Really bad stuff.

Well, in 1896, a film called The Kiss outraged moral guardians by showing a couple stealing a quick kiss. Because this is where we've gone since 1896. And again, not that there weren't a lot of immoral things going on behind the scenes, but it wasn't out in the open like it is today. So there is a big difference in that. Now it's accepted.

So the kiss outraged moral guardians. Absolutely disgusting, said one critic. Such things call for police action. By the 1990s, Primetime Network Entertainment offered sexual remarks or behavior every four minutes. From their monitoring of network programs, Lewis Harris and associates estimated that the average viewer witnesses 14,000 sexual events annually. Nearly all involve unmarried people. If you watch TV, if you watch the average amount of TV, this is what you're subjecting yourself to. An analysis of one week of network Primetime TV found that intercourse was mentioned or intimated by unmarried couples 90 times and by married couples once.

Rarely are there any consequences. No one seems to get herpes or AIDS. No one gets pregnant. Now there's some exceptions to that, obviously, but in general. No one has to change diapers or get up in the middle of the night or heroically struggle to socialize a fatherless child.

In fact, more than two-thirds of the time, in another analysis of 220 scenes of unmarried sex, the activity is portrayed as desirable. And less than 10% of the time, sexual activity between unmarried adults is portrayed as undesirable. So that's where we're at, you know, and it's getting worse. You know, it's not getting any better. It's getting worse.

There are tremendously deteriorating standards on TV.

Now here's an interesting little story I read recently.

It was about a woman named Kylie Basuti. Probably never heard of her. I had never heard of her before.

But it's an article that I guess it was entitled, Kylie Basuti Left Lingerie Modeling Because It Didn't Mesh With Her Christian Values.

At the age of 19, Kylie Basuti beat out 10,000 other contestants in the 2009 Victoria's Secret Model Search Contest.

But Basuti said that getting married and growing in her Christian faith caused her to see her career in a different light. In an interview, Kylie said, The modeling world is a very hard industry to be in without falling into things that you don't want to do. It's a very tempting industry. Yeah, I would think so. I mean, this is the height of that. Victoria's Secret was my absolutely biggest goal in life. Okay, this was her big goal in life. And it was all I ever wanted, career-wise. But I'm a Christian, and reading the Bible more, I was becoming more convicted about it. My body should only be for my husband. And it's just a sacred thing. I didn't really want to be that kind of role model for younger girls, because I had a lot of younger Christian girls that were looking up to me and then thinking that it was okay for them to walk around and show their bodies in lingerie to guys.

It was pretty crazy because I finally achieved my biggest dream, the dream that I always wanted. But when I finally got it, it wasn't all that I thought it would be. So this was from... I mean, it's good that she's evaluating things. But so many people don't really think about what they do. You know, they do it without really thinking about it. They call themselves Christian, but they really don't reflect Christian values. Now, our marriages should be sterling examples of Christian value. You know, we should love each other and have the fruits of God's Spirit flowing in our marriages. We need to repent, frankly, when that's not happening in our marriage. And a lot of times it's both mates have to repent. You know, sometimes one more than the other. And we need to admit when we're wrong and when we've sinned. And when we're willing to do that, it'll make our marriages a whole lot better. Let's go to Hosea 2. Hosea is all about faithfulness, isn't it? In the book of Hosea. It's about faithfulness and unfaithfulness. And it's reflective of how Israel was unfaithful toward God. It was a marriage relationship that God had with the family of Israel, the children of Israel. But they were unfaithful, and so He divorced them. You know, that's an example of when sometimes divorce is necessary. They were so corrupt that He divorced them, setting an example. But at the same time, He was also merciful and willing to forgive, and even take them back after a divorce if they repent it. You know, if they repent it. All right, let's consider that in Hosea 2. Hosea 2. Okay, Hosea Joel. There it is. Hosea 2. Hosea 2, verse 16, and it shall be in that day, says the Lord, now, of course, this is talking about the end time when Christ returns, in that day, and it shall be in that day, says the Lord, That You will call me my husband. There will come a time when Israel will repent, and they will call me my husband and no longer call me my Master. For I will take from her mouth the names of the bales, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. Frankly, their masters were the bales. God wasn't ever their master. The bales were their master. The pagan gods, those are the ones they listened to. Satan is the god of this world, and that's who they were listening to.

And I will take from her mouth the names of the bales, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle, I will shatter from the earth to make them lie down safely. You know, God is going to have to intervene.

And He will intervene mightily in these last days. I will betroth you to Me forever. Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and injustice. In loving kindness and in mercy, I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Israel will become faithful. Spiritual Israel primarily is what we're talking about here, although there will be a restoration of physical Israel in the Millennium. And they will be certainly much more faithful to God during the Millennium.

But even then, they will show their unfaithfulness to some degree when Satan is loosed. And undoubtedly it will affect even the children of Israel at that time. But spiritually is primarily what we're talking about here. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness and you shall know the Lord. It shall come to pass in that day that I will answer, says the Lord, I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, with oil. They shall answer Jezreel. Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth, and I will have mercy on her, for I had not obtained mercy.

Then I will say to those who were not My people, you are My people, and they will say, you are My God. There will come a time of repentance. Okay, now is our time of repentance, rather than, frankly, judgment has begun at the house of God. If you're not repenting now, when are you going to repent? Is it going to take martyrdom for you to learn repentance?

Is that what it's going to take? Are you going to have to lay your life down? Finally, repenting of what you've been doing and going against God in various ways. Now is the time to repent. Now is the time to show yourself faithful and seek God with all of your heart, soul, and might.

So the eighth principle, again, is that of being faithful to your mate. You know, God wants our faithfulness. Your mate wants your faithfulness. So be faithful. And there are many, many ways to be faithful. Number nine, always be in control when interacting with your mate. So what's number nine, fruit of God's Spirit? Self-control. Always be in control when you interact with your mate.

When you lose control with your mate, it causes huge problems in your marriage. Whenever we lose control, it causes huge problems in our relationships. So treat your mate with love and respect at all times and don't lose control. Don't start swearing at your mate. Don't get angry. And, you know, don't raise your voice in that way, you know. Keep yourself calm. And if ever you lose control, quickly repent.

If you lose control, admit it, repent of it, apologize to your mate, and strive to heal the breach immediately. Sometimes that happens, you know, you get angry and you lose control, you know. Let's face it, we're human beings. You know, we're not yet God, so there are times when you probably, you've lost your temper. You've gotten angry in your marriage. If ever you lose control, quickly repent and apologize. Strive to heal the breach immediately and don't allow anger or pride to drive a wedge between you. Humble yourself and learn to control yourself.

I'd like to share with you a survey that identified money as the cause of most marital fights. Money. You know, shouldn't be fighting over anything. Shouldn't fight over money. Shouldn't get lose your cool and lose your temper during these times. But again, if you're dealing faithfully, you know, if a husband or wife is not faithful in their finances, in other words, if they're just spending more than they should and buying things they ought not buy, that's not being faithful to your mate.

You know, if you get yourself into financial trouble because you're not being faithful, you're not using wisdom, your marriage is going to suffer. You know, these are the facts of life. So, let's talk about this survey. According to a 2012 national telephone survey, couples fight about one issue more than any other. That's finances. The survey revealed the following stats for married couples or for those who are living together. You know, and again, that's a growing trend. Cohabiting. Living together even though they're not married.

On average, couples fight about money at least three times a month. That made it the most volatile topic ahead of arguments about children, chores, work, or friends. As couples age, they generally argue about money. Why do you think money is so important? Why do you think that's the biggest problem? Because money is a god to a lot of people. And it's an idol, and they don't control it well, and they misuse it, and they mishandle it, and it causes friction.

So, as couples age, they generally argue about money more often. The most common cause for money arguments, 58%, focused on differing opinions of needs versus wants. Okay, I need a bass boat. I gotta have it. I'm gonna go buy it even though I don't have a dime to my name. I'm gonna borrow. You know, see, that's not being faithful with your finances.

You know, that's making a bass boat your god and spending the money to do it. I actually did buy a bass boat, but it was only a $500 bass boat. The sad part of that is I've never been able to get it in the water. Because the engine wouldn't... I bought this from a church member who claimed it worked.

This was like five years ago, and that boat's still sitting in my backyard, having never been in the water. Maybe God's trying to teach me something about where my heart is. I don't know. I haven't lost a lot of sleep over that bass boat, so...

Anyway, 49% of couples argue about unexpected expenses. 32% argue about insufficient savings. You know, we should save money, not always spend it. 30% of adults who are married or living with a partner have engaged in at least one deceitful behavior related to their finances, such as hiding a purchase. Has anyone ever done that? You don't have to raise your hand. Hiding a purchase. But despite all the conflict about money, 55% of couples said they do not set aside time on a regular basis to talk about financial issues.

They don't set it aside to judiciously talk about it, to budget, to plan. They just let life happen, and then sometimes finances really cause problems in people's marriages. This was from a survey, an AICPA survey, finances causing rifts for American couples. It was in the Wall Street Journal on May 29, 2012. So, this last point, self-control. No matter what it is, learn to be controlled.

No matter what the challenge is, whether it's a money challenge, whether it's unfaithfulness in some other areas of life, whatever it might be, learn to be in control. Let's go to one final scripture as we conclude the sermon today. 2 Peter chapter 1. 2 Peter chapter 1. 2 Peter chapter 1 verse 5. 2 Peter chapter 1 and verse 5.

2 Peter 1 verse 5. But also, for this very reason, and you'll notice a lot of the fruits of God's Spirit in these verses, and this is by Peter, not Paul this time. Paul talks a lot about the fruits of God's Spirit, but Peter also talks about the fruit of God's Spirit in many respects. But also, for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue. To virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control. Here's a fruit of God's Spirit. Of course, faith is a fruit of God's Spirit.

To self-control perseverance. To perseverance godliness or goodness. To godliness brotherly kindness. To brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours, and abound, if these things are yours, if these attributes are yours, if these fruits are being produced, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these things is short-sighted. If you lack the fruit of God's Spirit, you're short-sighted. If you're not striving to produce the fruit of God's Spirit, then you're being short-sighted.

Even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins. Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent. Be more diligent to make your call and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never stumble.

If you apply these principles and do these things, you will not stumble. For so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That is the fruit of all of this. When we produce the fruit of God's Spirit, the ultimate fruit is the everlasting kingdom of God our Father and Jesus Christ. So these things are worth contemplating, they're worth thinking about, they're worth challenging ourselves and asking ourselves, am I producing the fruit of God's Spirit?

Should I be praying more that God will help me change and grow? Help me see my sin so I can repent? So God will grant me repentance? Show me the things that I need to repent of? I believe we need to spend more time with God as the day approaches, as the return of Christ approaches. We need to spend more time with God. Less time with temporary pursuits that aren't going to last eternally. They're just temporary things. Spend more time on our knees. Spend more time fasting. Spend more time in fellowshiping with God's people and not being so concerned about anything except the fellowship of God's people and the fellowship with God.

You know, those are the more important things. So, brethren, our marriages are types of two very important relationships. The loving, faithful relationship of God the Father and God the Son. For eternity, the love that they've had for each other and the bond that they've had for each other, the bond of perfection. That's love. And the marriage, again, a second type, the marriage of Christ and the firstfruits.

We are to become a church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Christ is looking for a change in his church, a change in God's people, a better group of people representing him. Producing the fruit of God's Spirit in your marriage will draw you closer together. It will make your marriage much stronger.

The more you cultivate your love for each other, the stronger your love will become. Again, remember, you married your wife or your husband because you loved them. You cared for them. You wanted to be with them. The more you cultivate your love for each other, the stronger your love will become. The more you seek peace and pursue it earnestly in your marital relationship, the more peaceful your marriage will be. The more happiness and joy you have in your marriage, the more content and satisfied you will be.

The more patience you exercise in your marriage, the more willing you will be to overlook the little things that begin to cause a wedge and a division in your marriage. Now, actually, a sermon like this could actually cause a problem in your marriage if you just think it applies to your mate. You know, if it doesn't apply to you, but it applies to your mate, it could make you upset with your mate, and it could actually cause a problem with your mate.

It could cause a wedge. A sermon like this could cause a wedge because now I've brought it up. You know, we're talking about it now. We're thinking about it. We're considering it. And, you know, a sermon like this, I mean, it'll make you naked. It'll open you wide open. Because we all fall short, don't we, in producing the fruit of God's Spirit. Everyone here falls short, including myself. You know, we all fall short. So we shouldn't point at other people when we hear a sermon like this. We should take it to heart ourselves.

And we obviously, we should hope our mate takes it to heart too. But, you know, you can't change your mate, but you can change yourself. You can't change your mate, but you can change yourself. So why dwell on your mate? Dwell on yourself.

So don't allow anything to become a wedge in your marriage. The more kindness that is practiced in your marriage, the closer you will feel toward each other. When you're good to each other, your marriage is always strengthened. Faithfulness in a marriage is extremely important. It's vital in a good marriage. And self-control will give your marriage an opportunity to grow and to flourish.

These are the fruits of God's Holy Spirit that we've been talking about in these two sermons. Nurture your marriage by practicing the nine vital keys to a vitalized marriage.