Difficult People

When last I spoke, I spoke about being a peacemaker. We talked about, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God. In other words, if you are not a peacemaker, you will not be in the kingdom of God. We talked about being a peacemaker starts with humility, putting the needs of other people above your own. We talked about then being gentle, the next step in being a peacemaker. We talked about women learning to be gentle and quiet, for there is real beauty in a quiet spirit. We talked about to the men not to be judgmental and condemning, but to believe in the people who you relate with, your family and those you relate with. We talked about men not raising your voice, not scowling so much, and that you don't have to be right all the time. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God. Remember, we talked about that words are the biggest tool in your relationship toolbox. Avoid gossip, and above all, be gentle. Now normally, if you do those things that we spoke about in the last sermon, you will get along with people. But there are some people who you just can't get along with. We label them difficult people. The world is full of individuals who make life difficult for others. Some of us have bosses who are overbearing and demanding. Others have relatives who we just don't like to be around. Today, I want to follow up on the sermon that I gave on being a peacemaker and answer the question, how does God expect us to deal with difficult people? You might think right off the bat, well, be nice to them. Believe it or not, there are a lot more instructions in the Bible than be nice. In fact, be nice is not even an instruction in the Bible. Kindness is that being nice is not. What are the key ingredients that God gives us in order that we might deal with difficult people? These are just some of the things that God says about this. Obviously, we're not going to cover this entire topic in one sermon. So, let's get an overview. Some basic principles. How do we deal with those people that just will not get along with other people? Principle number one, what is the key ingredient that we need to deal with difficult people? You know what, brethren? The same key ingredient that we started with in the previous sermon. James chapter 3 verse 16 through 18. James chapter 3 verse 16. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruit. Without partiality, without hypocrisy, now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. What if somebody else is difficult? James is saying, you don't be.

The starting point, only the starting point, but where we start to deal with difficult people is the opposite of envy and self-seeking. Humility, putting the needs of the difficult person above your own. Imagine that. You can't just say, ah, he's difficult. And therefore, since you've placed that person in a different category, you can now treat that person differently. It doesn't work that way. Not with God. Not if you want to be with God in the Kingdom.

You start by putting their needs first, just like you would with anyone else. Oh, but there's a lot more, so stay tuned. So, how do you deal with that person who's always right to you? They will never apologize. You will never end an argument, let alone win an argument with this person. They're always right. Your opinion never matters to them. What do you do with a person like that? Well, let's go back to the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5, verse 41. Matthew 5, verse 41. Difficult people sometimes are always right. Oh, it's infuriating. So, my wife tells me, no.

She told me, don't embarrass me today. I will.

Matthew 5, verse 41. How do you deal with somebody who's always right, and whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him too. What? What? Go the extra mile? The guy's a jerk! Are you kidding me? No. No. That's what we do. We go the extra mile.

You're responsible for you getting into the kingdom of God, not him or her. Work out your own salvation. Whoever compels you to go one mile, go too. Philippians. We read this in the last sermon. It's applicable. We need to read it again and be reminded of it. In fact, if the sermonette speaker wants to give a sermonette on this, it would be appropriate also. Philippians 2, verses 3 and 4. Let nothing. What's not included in nothing? Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit. But in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Jesus Christ told us to go the extra mile with someone if that's what it takes to have peace.

You know what, brethren? That's not weakness. You're not a doormat when you yield to somebody else. You know what that is? Wisdom. It's wisdom. It's skill. It's skill on your part. Relationship skill.

To be able to set your desires and your wants, your opinion, and not base your self-worth on that. And say, okay, your opinion will do it your way. As long as it doesn't contradict God, go the extra mile.

Let me give an example of that. In Genesis chapter 6, a Brahm herdsman and lots herdsman were having disputes over which pasture their sheep could eat in. A Brahm, being the greater of the two, older, wiser, and far more powerful, could have had any set of land he wanted. But a Brahm valued peace over his own opinion, his own needs. And he actually told Lot, the lesser of the two in the relationship, your opinion. Which field, which area do you want your sheep to graze in? And I will take the other. And Lot chose the valley. Now, I've seen the Jordan Valley, and I have seen the hills which Abraham was stuck with, or a Brahm at the time, was stuck with when Lot chose the valley. The valley is so fertile. I mean, the vegetables and fruits that grow in that valley to this day will blow you away. Had opportunity to dine in the Jordan Valley with an Arab leader. He was the head of what we would call the CIA of Jordan, the intelligence agency. And he owned a really nice house in that valley. And the fruit that grew on his property, oh, we had the most wonderful meals, and they always ended with fruit grown right there on the property. That valley is lush. And Abram took the hills. Look where they both ended up.

Abram, or Abraham, became the father of countless people. Not possible to count how many descendants, how many kings, how many countries have come from Abraham. You can count how many people came from Lot. It's not that Lot didn't do well, he did well. But what was the difference? Abram, or Abraham, valued peace above his own opinion. And he allowed Lot to take the better, to be, he allowed himself to be taken advantage of, so that he could save the peace between his two families. Peace is that important.

And you know what? God took care of it, didn't he? And God blessed Abraham. He blessed him anyway. Abraham allowed himself to be taken advantage of, and he didn't get destroyed. In fact, he became great. So how do you deal with the know-it-all? The person who's always right? Go the extra mile. Go the extra mile. Put peace above your own opinion, your own needs. That's what God said to do.

But you know there's another kind of person out there that's a difficult person. There's a person who's out to get you. They're vindictive. They're constantly after you, to trip you up the antagonist. How, in general, do you deal with the antagonist? Now, we don't have enough time to go through. Antagonism could be an entire eight-part series. So let's just take the 30,000-foot overview, looking down and keep it general. How do you deal with someone who's out to get you? Well, what does God say? Luke 12, verse 58. Luke 12, verse 58. This is not common sense. This is the wisdom of God. This is not anything we would come up with on our own. Human nature would do the exact opposite. In fact, that's what makes great movies. If we do what's written in Luke, chapter 12, and verse 58, nobody would go to the movies, because nothing would blow up. Right? There would be no revenge, no vindication. It would be a boring movie. It would start and stop like that, and there would be peace. Who would pay for that? Luke, chapter 12, and verse 58.

Maybe we should like movies like that. Luke 12, 58. When you go with your adversary, the one who's always against you, to the magistrate, they're going to take you to the boss. They're going to take you to court. They're going to take you to whoever it is that's going to make life difficult for you.

What are you supposed to do? Well, human nature tell you real quick what you're supposed to do. You take them out on the way. That's what you do. If your enemy takes you to the magistrate, blow up his car. No.

When you go with your adversary to the magistrate, make every effort along the way to settle with him, lest he drag you to the judge, and the judge deliver you to the officer, and throw you into prison. Try to settle things quickly with your adversaries. That's what Jesus is telling us. Do your part to resolve the matter quickly. You mean with the jerk that's always after me? Yeah. Why? Because they're better than you, because they're worth more to God than you? No. Because the name of God is on you. Because you are working out your salvation. And God judges you, not on how that person is treating you. God judges you on how you treat that person. That's what you're being judged on. When someone gets in your face, constantly accuses you, it's how you treat them that God is watching. Oh, he's watching them too. They're his child also. And he will deal with them in his good time. What he's concerned about with you is how you treat them in return.

Matthew 18, verse 15. We're not going to go through the entire process. I just want to cover verse 15 and pull one principle out here. Moreover, if a brother sins against you, and you know what? That's what adversaries do. They take it a bridge too far. They go too far. You may have done something wrong, but they try to drop an atomic bomb when you cause a simple paper cut. Right? And that's a sin against you. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, including your adversary, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Now, that's peacemaking. You're not the one who's vindictive. You are not his or her adversary. You go alone. Where there's no witnesses, they could turn around and lie about everything that you said. And you make yourself, in that way, vulnerable to them. And you try to work it out quickly. You know what? If you try to resolve things quickly, and you go to them alone, and they're a difficult person, you might become the only person on the planet that they actually get along with. You never know. You might become the one person that everybody else looks at and goes, wow, how can you deal with that person? You resolve the matter quickly, and you show them the proper respect that when they do something against you, you go to them alone, making yourself vulnerable, and try to work it out with them. The one-on-one approach is always the best place to start. Now, read down through Matthew 18. There's a process that you can go through, including taking them to the authority eventually. But you don't start there. You don't start there. Like a dam that's leaking, solving the problem early is in everybody's best interest. So be wise. Don't be defensive. Put a matter to rest quickly or end up with a much bigger penalty. And you know what goes right along with that? With dealing with both kinds of people, the kind of person that's always out to get you, and the kind of person that's always right, there's an underlined principle that we should follow. And that is, restrain yourself from getting even. Hold yourself back. Don't get them back. Romans 12, verses 17-21. Romans 12.

17-21.

Repay no one evil for evil. You know what that doesn't say? It doesn't say that the person didn't do evil to you. This assumes, or actually directly states, that they did do evil to you. They sinned against you. You have been wronged. You have been taken advantage of. And there is a clear moral right to do something about it. But what do you do?

Do not repay the evil, even when it's owed. Now listen to this. If it is possible, as much as depends on you live peaceably with all men, beloved, do not avenge yourselves. And it's not that vengeance is wrong. It's that we never get it right. But rather give place to wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay. It's right out of Deuteronomy, right at the very beginning of the book. God stated as an early on principle, do not avenge yourself. I'll take care of that for you. And he does. Go back to Abram. Abram allowed himself to be taken advantage of by Lot, even though I don't think Lot meant evil of it. He was just selfish. He was the lesser of the two men, and he took the better of the two pastors to feed his sheep. And God blessed Abram for it. And God will do the same for us. But rather give place to wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay. Says the Lord. Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him a drink. For in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil. And that is the point. Brethren, we are on a walk towards the kingdom of God. Don't take a detour off the path. That's what we're being told. And taking revenge gets us off the path. Why? Because then we become overcome by evil. We get consumed by it. God never does. God can take vengeance on somebody, take care of you, make everything right, and never be overcome by evil. And we cannot. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. So keep yourself above all of that.

I don't know if you all watch Downton Abbey. I don't necessarily recommend it, but my family watches it, so I occasionally get a quote or two from Downton Abbey. And this year, Grandma Ma, who is my favorite character out of all of them, because she is so sarcastic and so cynical. She is hilarious. And she has this rival of hers. And the rival is always doing the right thing. And Grandma Ma is not always doing the right thing. She's definitely the antagonist of the entire show. And she turns to this prissy woman who's always doing the right thing, and she says, does it ever get cold up there on the moral high ground? I love her wit. But the answer is no. It does not. Because God will always take care of us if we take the moral high ground, despite Grandma Ma. You know, let's go back and read the original quote that Paul was quoting when God said, vengeance is mine. It's in Deuteronomy 32, verse 35. Just read what God said. Read what Paul was referring to. Deuteronomy 32, verse 35. Vengeance is mine and recompense. In other words, as Paul translated it, I will repay.

Their foot shall slip in due time. You will be avenged. You will be taken care of. This is God's original promise that Paul was quoting. Vengeance is mine and recompense. In other words, I will repay. Their foot shall slip in due time. It is a certainty. For the day of their calamity is at hand and the things to come hasten upon them. In other words, they will come more quickly than they suppose. But if we're seeking revenge and we're taking what is not ours to take, what belongs to God, guess what happens to us? Our foot shall slip in due time. Our day of calamity is at hand and those things will come and hasten upon us. It is not cold upon the high moral ground. It is safe, actually. That is where we should stay. Okay, so that's an overview of how to deal with difficult people, but there's more by a long shot. What about those really angry people? The people that constantly give us a fight. And even when we follow all of these principles, we're humble, we go the extra mile, we don't take vengeance on them, we try to settle things quickly with them. They still fight with us. What do we do? There's a lot said about that in the Bible. A lot. I just want to go through a little to encourage you and me. Remember these things. What do you do with people who will have no peace with you whatsoever? A. Avoid them if you can. What? We're not supposed to go be nice to them? Nope. Actually, you're not. And there's a reason you're not. You are actually supposed to avoid certain people on this earth. It doesn't mean you don't take care of their needs. It just means you don't hang out with them. Proverbs 22, verse 3. Proverbs 22, verse 3. A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself. When you see evil coming, get out of the way. Hey, that's good advice. But the simple pass on and are punished. Solomon here is telling us, hey, pay attention! If someone's constantly angry, constantly bringing wrath upon you, don't hang out with that person. Go hang out somewhere else. Hide yourself.

Why? So you're not punished. Constantly grueling punishment. Proverbs 17, verse 27 and 28. Proverbs 17, verses 27 and 28. He who has knowledge spares his words. In other words, you keep your mouth shut. And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Not an angry spirit. Not constantly arguing and throwing barbs at people.

But uses calm words. And actually uses few of them.

And even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive. You don't want to be around someone who's constantly angry.

You will be counted as a fool.

So, A. What to do with an angry person? Avoid them. B. You can't always avoid them. So what do you do? You don't fight back.

That some people will always try to take advantage of us. Some people will always try to take advantage of us. Don't fight back. Hard thing to do, especially when you're so capable of fighting back. Especially when you really get to know that person, and you know their arguments, and the same arguments over and over and over again. Oh, you can dissect them like a frog on a table. So easy to pick their arguments apart. You know them. Hold yourself back. Don't fight back. So B is don't fight back. Matthew, again, Sermon on the Mount, chapter 5, verses 43-48.

Matthew, chapter 5, verse 43. You have heard it said, You shall love your neighbor, but hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Angry people, that's exactly what they do with their mouth, constantly curse you. If it's not with curse words, it's with angry words. Put down words.

We've all got one of those in our lives somewhere. Distant relative, boss, co-worker, somebody out there, just to be a thorn in your side. And Jesus says, Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. So how is God? How does He behave? Because that's what we're supposed to become like. For He makes the sun rise on the evil and the good. He sends the rain on the just and the unjust. Do you? Do I? Do we send the rain on the just and the unjust? Or do we play favorites? And in that way, judge people as one more valuable than the other. We do that. We judge ourselves. We judge ourselves right out of the kingdom of God. Verse 46, if you love those who love you, what reward have you? In other words, you won't be in the kingdom of God. Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? Remember, they were in Judea. The tax collectors were collecting taxes for the enemy, the Roman Empire. They were collaborators with an invading force. And even they loved those who loved them.

Therefore, you shall be perfect or mature, fully grown, as your Father in heaven is perfect. It means so much more than without flaw. It means without flaw and mature, completely grown up. You want to be completely grown up? Never fight back. That's a hard pill to swallow and even harder task to do. But that is what our Lord Jesus Christ did on the day He was crucified on our behalf. He did not rail one accusation against those people who were ripping the flesh off of His body, did He? So, He wasn't all talk. He put it into action and He gave us the example to follow. Don't fight back. Wow.

What about that person that constantly argues? What do you do with that person? Well, Jesus Christ gave us the example on that, too. But let's start with the arguer, the debater, the one who's constantly casting doubt. Maybe not the angry person, but He's like the angry person, so it relates to the angry person, the debater, the arguer. Proverbs calls that person a fool, someone who uses his mouth constantly to stir up strife as a fool. How do you answer a fool? An interesting play on words. Proverbs chapter 26 and verse 4 and 5. Proverbs chapter 26 verses 4 and 5. The person who argues is a fool, how do you answer a fool? Jesus Christ showed us the way, but it's described, what He did is described in Proverbs chapter 26. Verse 4, do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like Him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in your own eyes. Now, that seems like a contradiction, but in actuality it's a play on words. The two statements mean something completely different, even though He's saying the same thing twice. First, He says, do not answer a fool, and then He says, answer a fool. And the way you answer a fool is the same according to His folly, but it's a play on words. And the way we know it's a play on words is the end result of both statements. The end result of the first statement is, lest you be like Him.

The second one is, lest he be wise in his own eyes. The first one, answering not a fool according to His folly, is don't match His tone. Don't match His folly. Don't answer a fool foolishly. That's what it means. If someone's constantly debating you, constantly arguing with you, don't constantly debate them and constantly argue with them. But answer the fool according to His folly. Not foolishly, but answer the folly. Point out the foolishness to the fool. Why? Well, it's love, brethren. It's love. Why do you answer a fool according to His folly? So that He isn't wise in His own eyes. It doesn't even benefit you to answer a fool according to His folly. It benefits the fool. It's love. The fool learns that he's not wise. When you answer him wisely and not foolishly, so do not answer a fool according to His folly. Don't become the fool with Him. Don't play devil's advocate. Don't take the opposite point of view just to carry on a debate.

You will mingle yourself with the fool, and you'll both be fools. But answer the fool not according to His folly. I mean, answer Him according to His folly. Answer the foolishness. How do you do that? Jesus Christ shows us the way. He was constantly badgered by fools. Now, they were smart men. They were intelligent. They were very knowledgeable in the Bible, but they argued against the anointed one, the Messiah, the King of the Son of God, the King of Kings. They would debate Him to discredit Him, which is debating against God. What a fool! But how did He deal with them?

Did He ignore them? No. Did He answer them foolishly? They were getting caught in constant debates. They say one thing, He says another. You say, tomato, I say, tomato. No, He did not. He didn't. He stuck with the Word of God. He leveled them with the Word of God, and He left almost every single time.

Use the Word of God. Let's notice in Mark 12, Mark 12, verses 18-34, let's read some foolishness, some folly thrown at Jesus Christ. And notice His answer, short and sweet and from the Bible, ends the debate, shows them that they're not as smart as they think they are. But, you know, He didn't answer every little point that they said. He simply cut to the chase by using the Word of God. Mark 12, verses 18-34. Then some Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Him and asked Him, saying, So this is a gotcha moment for Jesus Christ.

They're going to try to get Him and catch Him in foolishness, because they think that He's wrong, that there is no resurrection. They're talking to the one who was the resurrection. Teacher, verses 19, Moses wrote to us that if a man's brother dies and leaves his wife behind and leaves no children, his brother should take his wife and raise up offspring to his brother. Now, there were seven brothers. This is absolute folly. It's a nonsensical question. Now, there were seven brothers. The first took a wife and dying left no offspring. The second took her and he died, nor did he leave any offspring. And the third, likewise. So seven had her and left no offspring.

Last of all, the woman died also. Therefore, in the resurrection, when they rise, whose wife will she be? For all seven had her as a wife. And Jesus answered them, are you not therefore mistaken? He didn't avoid the answer. He didn't jump into the argument. He simply said, your premise is wrong. Are you not therefore mistaken? Because you do not know the Scriptures. And this is how we answer the person who always debates. You leave them with the Scripture and then you leave it alone because God doesn't need us to defend Him. God doesn't need us to get into a big debate over whether or not His word is true. You stand on His word.

It is a rock. It is stable. End of debate. Because you do not know the Scriptures, He said, nor the power of God. For when they rise from the dead, they are neither married nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven. But concerning the dead that they rise, have you not read it in the book of Moses? Again, quoting the Scripture. In the burning bush passage, how God spoke to Him saying, I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.

He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living, and you are therefore greatly mistaken. Then one of the Scribes came to Him, having heard the reasoning together, perceived that He might have answered them well, asked Him which is the first and greatest commandment of all.

Amazingly, He won over one of the fools by standing on the Word of God, and not jumping into the debate itself. And that is the brilliance of Jesus Christ. That's the brilliance that Solomon was trying to say when he said, answer not a fool according to his folly, but answer a fool according to his folly. Don't jump into the foolish debate. If they raise their voice, don't raise your voice. Don't answer them according to that foolishness, but answer the foolishness.

And how do you answer that? With the Word of God, because you don't need to debate it after that. Once you've stated the Word of God, you're done. You're good to go. If they disagree, it's their problem. But you know what? You pray about it and ask God to give you the answer, and He will. He will recall His Word in your memory, and you will have those words to say.

You just might win over some, which is amazing. Use the Bible to defend your answers. But when dealing with an angry person, you've got to be careful, because some of them can become violent.

Not only is your life in danger, your spiritual life is in danger, and that's a bigger danger.

Your physical life is a concern, and you need to be careful who you're hanging out with. But your spiritual life is forever, and that is the bigger concern. Proverbs 15 and verse 1, when dealing with an angry person, do not hang out with them.

Proverbs 15 and verse 1, when you know they're angry, soften your tone. For a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. You keep your tone soft. You've got nothing to defend. God will defend you. You've got nothing to avenge. God will avenge you. Your responsibility is to tone it down and keep it soft. However, there's more to this story. Proverbs chapter 22. Proverbs chapter 22. Just turn a few pages over to chapter 22 verses 24 and 25. Make no friendship with an angry man. Do you hear that? Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man, do not go. Why? Lest you learn his ways, and set a snare for your own soul, your own life, not just your physical life. Learning an angry man's ways will keep you out of the kingdom of God. Hey, would you like to get some lunch with us? You know what? I've got something else to do. That can always be true. Always be true. You have a life. Go do something else. We're going to go shoot some pool. We're going to go to a movie. We're going to go go by yourself. I have something to do. I'm sorry. Keep your answer soft, but do not hang out with an angry man. Proverbs 29 verse 22. An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression, in sin. If you become, if you hang out with an angry man, and you learn in angry man's ways, which we heard in chapter 22. Then in chapter 29, the end result is we sin, because the furious man is full of transgression. We walk away from God when we allow anger into our life. So, in dealing with difficult people, start with humility, just like you would with anybody else. Go the extra mile with difficult people. You know what? You might just gain a friend. You might just be the one person on the planet that gets along with somebody that nobody else gets along with, because you have the relationship skills of God Himself, who sends the rain on the just and the unjust. And you might not get along with Him, but at least you will be okay. If they have something against you, settle the matter quickly. Patch the dam before it breaks. Never seek revenge. Keep yourself above the fray, and let God fight your battles for you. And when you're dealing with those really problem people, avoid them as much as possible. Do not fight back. When you give an answer to a fool, answer according to the Word of God, not according to the debate that they want to draw you into, because the Word of God is not debatable. Problem solved. And give soft answers.

And softly tell them, you're not going to hang out with them. Have something else to do, or they will drag you down. What is the key to living in peace with difficult people? Proverbs 119, Psalms 119, the Law Psalm. Oh, how love I thy law. Psalm 119, verse 165. Psalm 119, verse 165. Great peace have those who love your law. Nothing causes them to stumble. The word stumble is the same word for offense or be offended. It means to fall away from God. You keep your mind on God and His law and on the path and the instructions that we just read and you don't fall away. And that's the reason that you do that, even with difficult people. Proverbs 16, verse 7. You let God fight your battles. Proverbs 16, verse 7. I love this. It's a promise.

When a man's ways please the Lord, when God is happy with you, listen to this promise. He makes even His enemies to be at peace with Him. Even when you're taken advantage of, God works it out.

Follow God's law. That's the key to peace. When we live by God's way, we learn the way to peace. And living by God's way doesn't mean that all people will like who you are. But eventually, all people, even the difficult ones, will appreciate what we are. Peacemakers.