Empathy: Are You Feeling Me?

We live in a crazy, busy world, don't we? Other than last week, when you had the Sabbath off, you could stay home. But more times than not, we do live in a very crazy, busy world. We're constantly running from appointment, to activity, to other event, only to arrive at the end of the day at home, and then to crash. We crash into home so many times, just to have that place of peace and a place to rest. And then what do we do?

We get up the next day, and we do it all over again. It seems like this is a constant way that we kind of operate in today's society. Along the way, each day, we bump into family members, we bump into co-workers, store clerks, doctors, teachers, and many others. And I say we bump into them because our conversations are usually very brief, and they're focused on a result that we're trying to get at.

We look for a quick answer or a brief hello, and then we're on our way again. And the things in our life which are supposed to make our lives easier, like cell phones, iPads, laptops, texting, all of these things only cause us to interact with each other less. As a society, we are showing less empathy towards others, and the topic of empathy will be our focus in today's message. We live in a world of increased social isolation, people who are more self-centered, more competitive, more confident, more individualistic.

People today are success-focused, having a fast-paced nature, and all of this leads to people spending less time focusing on the conversations and emotions of others. So today, I'd like to explore with you the subject of empathy and the importance for us as Christians to show empathy towards others. So what is empathy? From the CultureOfEmpathy.com website, empathy is defined as a mirroring or vicarious experience of another's emotions, whether they be sorrow or joy. So this is a vicarious experience of living in someone else's emotions, whether they be sorrow or joy.

So how is this different from sympathy or compassion? From the same website, CultureOfEmpathy.com, sympathy is defined as a feeling of sorrow associated specifically with the suffering or need of another. These definitions I'll go over because it's important that we kind of understand how these different emotions break out. Again, sympathy... Now I can't say it. Sympathy is defined as a feeling of sorrow associated specifically with the suffering or need of another.

And then compassion is defined much like sympathy in that it stems from the suffering of another, but it also includes the need or desire to alleviate that suffering. So again, compassion is very similar to sympathy, but that it stems from the suffering of another, but it also includes the need or desire to alleviate that suffering.

So it's good that we kind of define what we're going to be talking about today because there are two components to empathy. One is the ability to see... The key word here is to see a situation from another person's perspective. The second part is more emotional. It's the ability to imagine what the other person is feeling and then to actually care about what they are expressing. To put it another way, an empathic person puts themselves into the shoes of another person and feels or lives what that person is going through.

So it's this vicarious experience of putting yourself into another person's shoes to truly say, what would I do in that situation? How would I handle? Would I be showing a similar set of emotions that this person is showing if I was in their shoes? It's not just on the outside seeing an issue, recognizing that this person is going through a challenge, but then to emotionally involve yourself to say, what would I do? What would I feel like if I was in a similar boat? And it's not just feeling sorrow or sadness, but a deeper and more involved emotion.

And as the definition described, it can be based on sorrow or joy. We're usually sympathy and compassion. You're recognizing the person is going through a difficult situation. But with empathy, you can actually put yourself in their shoes for a joyous occasion. Think of like a high school graduation. You remember what it was like to graduate high school. And so you can put yourself in the shoes. The world is open to you. You're excited for the future and getting out and doing some things that only adults that are 18 or older can do. And so you can have empathy in the joy of somebody graduating high school or something like that.

So we can show empathy to someone by sharing in their excitement of a new job or an answered prayer. Because when we empathize with another, we are imaginatively experiencing the same thing ourselves, where sympathy and compassion are both associated with expressing sadness in the suffering of another. I know I'm a bit into my message today to just give a title, but today's message is titled, Empathy. Are you feeling me? Empathy, are you feeling me? Let's start off by looking at Romans 12 as we consider the topic of empathy.

Romans 12 and verse 15. While the words empathy are not or the word empathy is not mentioned in the Bible, we will review some verses which demonstrate the importance of Christian having empathy for others. This is Romans 12 and verse 15. Romans 12 verse 15. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

How can we truly rejoice or weep with someone if we don't understand why that person is rejoicing or why that person is weeping? We must listen to and understand the emotion behind their expression, or we can't share in it with them. This is empathy.

Another scripture to turn to, 1 Corinthians 12 verse 26.

1 Corinthians 12 and verse 26.

Here in 1 Corinthians 12 verse 26, the scripture reads, And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it. Or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are the body of Christ and members individually.

This is that aspect that, again, we are the body of Christ, all made up of unique, individual people going through different experiences, different backgrounds, different futures, even, because of the life that we are living. And it says, if one member suffers, that we should all suffer together. How can we really suffer if we don't understand? Or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

Have you got a question? Have you ever tried to rejoice with somebody when you had no idea what they were rejoicing in? Maybe it's here at church. You see a small group. People are laughing. People are excited. There's hugs being given. And you're standing on the outside trying to be rejoicing, trying to be excited for them. But you have no idea what it is. Can we rejoice with them? We could try.

But to truly rejoice and to understand what is going on, we have to understand why they're being joyful. We have to involve ourselves in that conversation. And we have to try to then understand what would I be feeling in that same way.

Many times, though, we stop right there, and we never vicariously live in their shoes. We may just go up, give them a hug, say, that's awesome, that's amazing, I'm so excited for you. And we stop right there. We don't try to truly experience their joy. We can only empathize if we put ourselves into their life and see things through their eyes.

Here's another scripture in 1 Peter 3, verse 8, I'd like to look at as we start just seeing, what does God's Word speak about this subject of empathy and the concept that we should be building? 1 Peter 3, verse 8.

1 Peter 3, verse 8, Finally, all of you be of one mind, let me find it, 3 verse 8, I lost. Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another. Love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous.

The New Living Translation says, finally, all of you should be of one mind, sympathize with each other, love each other as brothers and sisters, be tenderhearted and keep a humble attitude.

I like the easy-to-read version of the Bible for this scripture. It says, so all of you should live together in peace, try to understand each other.

That's a big concept right there, isn't it? Try to understand each other.

Love each other like brothers and sisters. Be kind and humble.

When you combine all the different aspects, the different facets to this part of the verse, naturally, we can begin having empathy for another person. It's not just hearing what they say and say, well, that's great, or I bet that sounds difficult, but to truly put yourself into their life.

To try to understand each other.

So why is empathy important?

A 2011 article by Jamie Zaki on scientificamerican.com, and this article is titled, What? Me Care, Young or Less Empathic? That's the title of the verse or of the article. What? Me care, young or less empathic? This article states that humans are unlikely to win the animal's kingdom prize for the fastest, strongest, or largest, but we are world champions at understanding one another. This interpersonal prowess is fueled by, at least in part, by empathy, our tendency to care about and share other people's emotional experiences.

Empathy is a cornerstone of human behavior and has long been considered innate. A forthcoming study, however, challenges this assumption by demonstrating that empathy levels have been declining over the past 30 years. So this article was written about seven years ago, so just imagine that for the last 30 years they're picking up that empathy has been declining.

We know that this world is governed by a being that does all he can to break and destroy relationships. Satan looks to break our relationship with God and looks to break our relationships with each other. And how do we build relationships, though, on the flip side?

Relationships are built by spending time on that individual relationship, by talking, understanding, by caring for another person.

We build relationships by loving another person.

Empathy plays an important part of truly knowing what another person is going through and allows us to relate, even if it's not something that we have gone through in our own life.

That's the power of empathy and the gift and the ability to have that.

We've all lived unique lives, every one of us. You have never been truly in my life. I've never truly been in your life. But empathy is that power, that gift from God, that allows us to then place ourselves into your life, to try to see things from your point of view, what you've experienced. So therefore, then I can understand more deeply who you are and what's going on in your life, whether it's good or whether it's difficult.

As the article from ScientificAmerican.com mentioned, people are showing less empathy towards others than at any point in history that they're picking up on.

The article goes on to state, the research led by Sarah Conrad of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, hey, that's local research, that's cool, and published online in the August in Personality and Social Psychology Review, they found that college students' self-reported empathy has declined since 1980, with an especially steep drop in the past 10 years. To make matters worse, during the same period, students' self-reported narcissism, which is excessive love or admiration of oneself, has reached new heights. Found that that was really interesting. Let's review again the words that I use to describe society that I think we see relevant today. People are more self-centered, more competitive, more confident, and more individualistic. I think that after reading that, we're seeing kind of what's going on. Many in our society today are not only concerned with their own feelings. Many in our society today are only concerned with their own feelings, own desires, their own goals in life. They're not able to see something from another person's point of view. So what is the cause for the drop in empathy? The same article, the scientificamerican.com article, goes on to say, this information seems to conflict with studies suggesting that empathy is a trait people are born with. There are theories, however. Conrad cites the increase in social isolation, which has coincided with the drop in empathy. In the past 30 years, Americans have become more likely to live alone and less likely to join groups, ranging from PTAs to political parties to casual sports teams. Several studies hint that this type of isolation can take a toll on people's attitude towards others. Now, it's the end of that quote from that article. A book I'm currently reading is titled, Hashtag Struggles. It's written by Craig Groeschel. I'm not through the book completely yet, but it's a really interesting read so far. The book describes the impact that technology and social media is having on the lives of Christians. In the book, as I said, the author acknowledges that technology helps us communicate in so many ways that just wasn't possible before. Across the country, we can make phone calls now. We can do live video chats to people in foreign countries. We can call ships in the ocean. There's so many ways that we can communicate day or night, any hour of the day, that wasn't possible before. But he goes on to say, let me find where it's at, but he goes on to say, but if we're honest, we all admit that while technology greatly enhances our ability to stay in touch with people in our lives, the contact is not the same as actually being together and sharing the important events. It's not the same as being face-to-face. It's not the same as being in the same room. Thanksgiving Day, if it was all over video, would not be the same for our families, would it? If you had your own turkey, your own sides sitting in your own house, but your family is all set up on different video cameras, everybody's got the same food, it's Thanksgiving, but you're not in the same room. You're missing that opportunity, and it's just it would not even be remotely close to the same. In the introduction, again, to this book, titled Hashtag Struggles, he states, We know God intends for us to have something different, something better, something more.

Most everyone seems to agree that life is getting busier, crazier, and more frantic each day. We're bombarded by more information than we know how to process. News, ads, commercials, blogs, tweets, pictures, soundbites, music, games, more ads. What's crazy is that we now have more devices, programs, and apps than ever before vying to fulfill our needs. Our world abounds with countless technological breakthroughs, each one promising to make our lives better. He continues to say, we have plenty of struggles and distractions back then, too. At this point, he's thinking back, well, to those reading this book, a younger age group, you're just blowing up technology and this new thing that you don't understand and things. And in the book, in the intro, he talks about we had TV, we had distractions, we had TV dinners that pulled us away from the dining table and to go look at the focus on the TV and break the family time. Everybody here has distractions that they can think of growing up, and that's what he's getting to, is this section he says that. He says, we had plenty of struggles and distractions back then, too, as people have through history, but there's something different about what we're experiencing now. Some of us are starting to sense that something is wrong, even if we can't identify what it is. We still have that old age, that age-old struggle with comparison, envy, jealousy, greed, lust, and a variety of addictions. Only now we have new ways to escape from those real-life struggles, even as we create new battles in the virtual worlds we inhabit. This combination is what he says. This combination is what I call hashtag struggles. And let me get to page 18. There's one other quote I wanted to share.

He says, I can't prove this, but I have some theories which I'll be sharing about why I hate social media. In a nutshell, it makes everything so much about us. We're sucked into measuring how our lives are measuring our lives by how many followers we have and who they are. We want to believe we're not the sum of the likes our last post received, but it still feels like those little quicks matter. The odd thing is, the more we focus on ourselves, the less satisfied we feel, and the more we're consumed by the things of this earth, the more we feel empty. The reason is that we were created for more, much more. We were created not for earth, but for eternity. We were created not to be liked, but to show love. We were created not to draw attention to ourselves, but to give glory to God. We were created not to collect followers, but to follow Christ. He says, I'm writing this book because it's time to be honest about our hashtag struggles and to regain control of the amazing tools that technology provides us. It's time to put technology back in its place. It's time to love God with our whole heart. As I mentioned, I'm not through the book yet.

So far, it's very insightful. It's, I think, identifying a lot of the issues that all of us have faced growing up, whether it was peer pressure at the school playground, whether it was things in school, whether it was getting that first car and why it had to be a certain color or a certain type, whether it's modern technology, whether it's how many likes we have on Facebook or what somebody thought of our last vacation. This book is starting to address an issue that is that is just simmering. It's been simmering on the scene for quite a while, but it's really starting to have, I believe, an impact on society as a whole, which is also going to impact us sitting here today. As Mr. Groeschel outlines, technology is only one piece of the puzzle that is causing a separation between personal relationships. Again, not that technology in of itself is bad, but it is part of the problem. I know that when we were in Cincinnati before transferring up here, I had an opportunity to meet with the young adult group. They had a young adult's kind of Friday evening Bible study. We'd have an open discussion and we'd have different themes. In it came an idea about commitments. Like if I say, I'm going to get together with you for coffee, and then another member calls and says, hey, do I have tickets to the Tigers game? Do you want to go? I say, that sounds to me better than coffee. So yeah, I'll go and break that commitment, because we're seeing people that do that. That was the general idea. Is that okay to do those types of things? We all sit here today and say, absolutely not. You made a commitment. It doesn't matter if something else, what in your mind was better or more important came up. You made a commitment. One of the young adults said, well, what if I broke that commitment over text? Is that an okay thing to do? And the thought kind of sits here for a minute. Like, well, why would you even be willing to do that over text unless it's making you happier in the long run? And in the same vein, another, and this one really shocked me, and this is when Mr. Myers and myself got back in, because we were kind of that in the group self-moderate. And at this point, we got back in. One of the young adults said, is it okay to break up with somebody over text? And my jaw almost hit the floor, because I said, are you kidding me?

And why would you be willing to break up with someone over text? Because you don't have to hear their voice. You don't have to hear the quivering of their voice, of the sadness. You don't have to answer any questions. Why? Or where would this come from? You can address it later on your own terms, because all you do is you send that text, you put your phone down, you walk away, right? You don't even have to have it facing you. That's the society that we are living in today, this type of communication where you could break a coffee date, or you could break a relationship via text, not even a personal phone call, not even in person. But for that question to come up means it's sitting there, that it's part of the society we live in. It's not something so far out there, like do you think that someday we can step on Mars? Oh, it's so far out there. I can't... This is a real-life question. Can I break up with somebody, or is it okay, or what are the damages of breaking up with somebody over text? That's just showing the depth that this type of technology can lead and start to sink in, because it is easy to say something really quick over text. You put your phone down, you made your point, and I don't have to hear what you've got to say back, until I'm ready to hear what you have to say back, if I want to hear what you have to say back.

But in personal communication, if I said the same thing, I better be ready for a response from you, and that's part of what's happening with communication. And you could see where empathy is starting to go out the window more and more, because to be willing to break up with somebody over text, you're absolutely not putting yourself in the other person's shoes. It's as far as you can be from putting yourself in the other person's shoes, if you even think that something like that is okay. And so empathy is going out the window, and technology is part, only part, of the picture. Another identified cause is that people are reading less, therefore putting themselves less in the shoes of others. The same scientificamerican.com article again states, the type of information we consume has also shifted in recent decades. Specifically, Americans have abandoned reading and droves. The number of adults who read literature for pleasure sank below 50 percent for the first time ever in the past 10 years, with the decrease occurring most sharply among college-age adults. And reading may be linked to empathy, it says. In a study published earlier this year in Psychologists, or this year, psychologist Raymond Marr of New York University in Toronto and others demonstrated that the number of stories preschoolers read predicts their ability to understand the emotions of others. Marr had also shown that adults who read less fiction report themselves to be less empathic. They're not trying to understand what the struggles and the difficulties that other people go through, and so by not even trying, they're not able to put themselves in those shoes. Are we really surprised that this trend is being noticed and studied right now? It's a question I had asked myself. Really, we shouldn't be, because God's Word provides insight that this is the direction that society is heading. What is one of the signs of the end of the age? Matthew 24 verse 12 states, and because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. Because lawlessness, not following God's way, not loving a brother like God says we should, will abound, the love of many will grow cold. The Apostle Paul also warned the newer minister, Timothy, that there will be other signs in the last days, and that all these signs spring from a heart pointed inward towards one's own human nature and desires for ourselves. Let's read this in 2 Timothy 3 verse 1.

2 Timothy 3 verse 1.

This inward focus on our nature, what we want, what we desire, what feels good to us, not at all pointed outward from an empathetic or empathic state of mind. That's what this is going to start to display here in 1 Timothy... 2 Timothy, excuse me... 2 Timothy 3 and verse 1.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful and unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power, and it says, and from such people turn away.

For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins led away by various lusts. In verse 7, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

As a society, we have grown tremendously in knowledge about science, technology, medicine, even our own human, the functioning aspects of our human body, all which have the potential to help us as humans. But what is being done with that knowledge? Are we, as a society, growing closer to God and in turn to each other? Are we using it to come more fully to the knowledge of the truth, as described here in 2 Timothy 3 verse 7? A different article from August 16, 2014, so this is just a few years back, this article was written by Olga Kazan, K-H-A-Z-A-N, and it's titled Four Words to Seem More Polite.

Backs up some of the research that we've already gone through today, but adds a little bit of a different perspective on the importance of empathy on society. She writes, empathy is considered by many psychologists to be essential to cooperation, problem-solving, and to human functioning in general. Researchers have described it as social glue binding people together and creating harmonious relationships. Empathic people are more likely to forgive others for small errors like running late. Asking narcissists to imagine themselves in other shoes can help shrink their big heads. Empathy helps people behave more generously, but some are worried that our society, with its personal brands and snapchats, is losing this crucial characteristic.

Recent research has suggested that college students have become less empathic since the 70s, so that scientists are saying they should read great works of literature in order to better see situations from different points of view. So we have to come to the point of the message, what can we do to become more empathic? What can we do today? What can you and I do? What should we do?

There is good news. Empathy can be nurtured. Again, from the scientificamerican.com article, they considered this point. Researcher Sarah Conrad points out that if life choices can drive empathy down, then making different choices could nurture it. She went on to add, if empathy can change in a negative way, then it can change in a positive way. If you feel like maybe empathy isn't a strong trait that you have in your own life, you can work at becoming more empathic.

Look at your life and see if other things are squeezing out the time that you have with others.

Do you feel pressured to end conversations quickly due to other responsibilities that you have? Are you thinking about the next person that you want, or maybe even need to have a conversation with, versus the person that is right in front of you that you're spending time with?

Let's look at Philippians as we consider these points. Let's look at Philippians 2 in verse 1.

There are a lot of action words I just went through. Are there things squeezing out your time?

Are you pressured to end conversations? Are you thinking about the next person that you want, or do you need to have a conversation with? These are all action words. These are all things that you can decide how you want to handle going forward. In Philippians 2 in verse 1, we read some more action words, and we read an action that our Savior ultimately fulfilled for you and for me.

In Philippians 2 verse 1, Therefore, if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord of one mind. In verse 3 and 4 are critical, Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bond-servant and coming in the likeness of men, and being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore, God also has highly exalted him and given him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow of those in heaven and of those on earth and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father. As Christ gave all of us all that he had for each one of us, we must look on each other the same way that Christ looks at us, giving himself completely pouring out his life. Again, the same that we are asked to do. Philippians 3 and 4 again, verse 3 and 4. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit. Listen to these action words that are in here. But in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. When we esteem others, we put our own needs in the back seat. We are excited or saddened by what someone else is going through, and by putting our own interests out of our mind, we put someone else first in our lives. We have another example of Christ showing empathy in a difficult situation. This one is in John, chapter 11. John, chapter 11, verse 1.

This is a little bit lengthier of an example, but it's one that we need to consider and read more of the verses just to get more of the concepts and the framework of what is happening here, so we can understand more fully. John 11, verse 1. Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick. I mean, this is not saying anything, not shying away from it. Christ loved Lazarus. Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick. And when Jesus heard that, he said the sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God that the sun may be glorified through it. Verse 5. Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, and so when he heard that he was sick, he stayed two more days in the place where he was. Then after this, he said to the disciples, Let us go to Judea again. And now in verse 11, these things he said, and after that he said to them, Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him. Then his disciples said, Lord, if he sleeps, he will get well. However, Jesus spoke of his death, but they thought that he was speaking about taking rest and sleep. Then Jesus said plainly, Lazarus is dead. Verse 17. So when Jesus came, he found that he had already been in the tomb four days. Now Bethany was near Jerusalem about two miles away, and many of the Jews had joined the women around Martha and Mary to comfort them concerning their brother. Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met him, but Mary was sitting in the house. Now Martha said to Jesus, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now, I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you. In verse 30. Now Jesus had not yet come into the town, but was in the place where Martha met him. Then the Jews who were with her in the house and comforting her, when they saw that Mary rose up quickly and went out, followed her, saying, She is going to the tomb to weep there. Then when Mary came where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying to him, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, he groaned in the spirit and was troubled.

Notice Christ right here. He groaned in the spirit and was troubled, seeing this grief.

And he said, Where have you laid him? And they said to him, Lord, come and see.

In the shortest verse of the Bible, Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, See how he loved him.

And some of them said, Could not this man who opened the eyes of the blind also have kept this man from dying? Then Jesus, again groaning in himself, came to the tomb. It was a cave and a stone lay against it. And Jesus said, Take away the stone. Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to him, Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he had been dead four days. Jesus said to her, Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God? Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, Father, I thank you that you have heard me. And I know that you always hear me because of the people who are standing by. I said this, that they may believe that you sent me. And now when he had said these things, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with grave clothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth. And Jesus said to them, Loose him and let him go." What a powerful. It's a long message and long passage of Scripture to read.

But by not reading it, you don't do it justice just to see the grief that was in these Jews and the sisters grieving for their brother and for Christ to love Lazarus, to love Mary and Martha, to see the grief that was on their face and to allow it to affect him. Because many times we hear of someone's troubles and immediately begin to evaluate what the person did to cause it, or what they could do to escape the challenge. This is especially true for us guys. We're naturally problem solvers and fixers for the most part. Let's get straight to the issue and resolve the problem, often is what goes through my mind. Jesus Christ had the ability to just walk into the situation with the death of Lazarus and fix it. He had that he had and he knew he had that power. He had that ability to completely walk in and fix it. He knew he could, but yet he was moved by the whole situation, the death of a friend. The impact this death had on those he cared deeply about. He allowed himself to be moved and touched deeply by the experience this moment was having on himself and others. Was he moved because of the death of a friend? Maybe. Was he moved because of the impact that sin and death in the world was having on those whom he cared deeply about? I think this is probably closer to the reason he grieved. We should try to put the fixing and problem solving aside and truly seek to understand the difficulty one in our family is facing. Then when adequate time has been permitted to emotionally understand the ins and outs, at that time, if an avenue permits, possibly seek to help the other person. Notice the keyword possibly seek to help the other person. The more important aspect is to understand, to put yourself into their shoes, to understand the difficulty that our family is facing because one person is having a challenge. And then, as time permits, giving time space to work out, if possibly to seek to help the other person. To experience empathy, it can help to reflect on four questions during a conversation. I'm not going to dive into the aspects of this. This is for you. This is your homework.

This is your life. This is you who you have to evaluate how are you living empathically in other people's lives. So these are four questions that can help. They're questions I consider for myself.

The first one is, as when you're approaching somebody or you're interacting with somebody and you're trying to have more empathy, you're trying to have that mindset, these four questions may help. The first one is, why are they acting or speaking this way? Why are they acting or speaking in this way? The second question is, and I'll repeat these a little bit later, so if you don't get them all, there'll be a second opportunity. What is the situation or background or what is happening?

What is the situation or background or what is happening? The third, what feelings are they expressing? Not just words, not just what they're saying, but to get down to what feelings are they expressing. And then the fourth question, and this is the last one, how would I feel if I was in their shoes? How would I feel if I was in their shoes? To apply these points, you can't be in a conversation with one foot out the door. We've all seen that. You might have, it's happened here, I've done it.

You're having that conversation and your body is halfway turned and that foot's pointed out the direction you want to go to get yourself kind of moved out. We've all done that, but you can't be in a conversation with one foot out the door. You have to give your whole heart and attention to that person. You have to focus on the words they are saying and how they are saying them. Don't try to guess where they're going. And if you don't feel like you are understanding completely, repeat or rephrase back to them what they said so you can verify you are understanding them.

So as we consider how we're listening, let's look at these questions again. Why are they acting or speaking in this way? What is the situation or background or what is happening?

What feelings are they expressing? And how would I feel if I was in their shoes?

All of these questions are a great way to even interact with our children, with our teens, to try to just not say, I know what you're doing or I know what your heart is, I know what you're thinking, but to truly put yourself into our kids and our teens' shoes.

As we close today, we have looked at how empathy is a powerful emotion that God has given us and this emotion that He has Himself. The power that this emotion has can unite us together and allow us to grow closer and tighter with one another. Today we'll leave here, still part of a society that is showing less empathy towards others than before, but we have an option. Follow the example that this world is setting or decide to make a change. And what better way to make a change than to increase in love by showing more empathy to others?