Marriage Across the Decades

I pulled a file out of a filing cabinet for this sermon. I have a file filled with, oh, it seems like 17 letters, and I'll tell you about them in a little bit. But first of all, it's been a lot of years ago that I read this in the church's newspaper of that time, the Worldwide News, dated April 5, 1994, stated.

It was in the category, Anniversary is Made of Gold, and it said, Acy and Vera Cates of Odessa, Texas celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary, February 17th. They have three children, six grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren. We were so excited to see that. Now, they lived by this time in Odessa, Texas, but five years earlier, they lived as they had lived most of their lives in Roswell, New Mexico, and we served the church there for seven years. And when they had their 60th anniversary, the congregation hosted a surprise reception for them and invited their three children, who all came.

I had a big reception, and it was a complete and total surprise. But how many times do you have somebody who hits 60 years of marriage? It was something neat to celebrate. I think back across assignments we have had, and many times there are couples that I can think of who have had marriages that have lasted 40 and 50 and 60. I don't think I ever remember anyone who fully hit 70 years. There was a couple in Kingsport, Tennessee. I preached that man's funeral, and they had something like 69 years and seven months of marriage.

So it was almost enough where back in the day it would have made Paul Harvey's report. So many of you remember how he would honor them. But I think of names like Renfro and Ash and Von Cannon and Korte and Braswell and Hagee and all kinds of names. And we have a lot around here. Just two weeks ago, up in Huntsville, Joe and Peggy Montana had their 66th anniversary. Mylon and Lib Davenport had their 63rd.

Denise's parents are coming up on their 64th. So we have a lot of wonderful examples. And I do want to talk about marriage today. And the way I'm going to approach it is, many years ago, when we lived in California, we were there for three years.

The first year we pastored Bakersfield and Lancaster. The second year, we were asked to start a church over in Victorville. The third year, they reconfigured a circuit where we didn't work with Bakersfield any longer. But we worked with Lancaster and Victorville. And it was at that point, which would have been probably late 1993, I came off cross...

I had this idea and I wrote a letter, you know, before most of us were doing email. Sent a letter to about 23 couples that we knew in Bakersfield or back in our previous assignment in Lubbock, Texas and Roswell, New Mexico. And my letter was brief, but I basically asked them to explain the secret or the secrets, plural, to having a marriage that will endure across many decades. Again, of those 23 letters, 17 letters came back in reply and one phone call where a man called and I took notes of what he was telling me.

Now, before we get into a sermon on marriage, I feel I always need to make a gift of what I call my marriage sermon disclaimer. In any audience, I realize there are those sitting here who have had their heart ripped out. And I am sorry. I wish it hadn't happened. But I have to speak on the topic of marriage. And actually, what we're going to cover applies to any human relationship we have. But at any rate, just realize I don't want you to feel left out because the material is for you as well.

When we talk about commitment and respect and love, I mean, that applies to all of us. Single, married, divorced, whatever. So, that being said, again, we always have those who have given their heart and soul five years or 30 years to a marriage. For all their trouble, they got a lot of hurt, had their heart broken. And maybe many of them are the unsung heroes of the church that don't get noticed.

So, anyhow, let's go on. I call this sermon marriage across the decades. I want to pull out one letter. It was actually fairly long, about 9-10 pages long. The first five, she was basically updating us. The lady was writing from Lincoln, New Mexico. And she was basically updating us on her family. And then she got to the part where she had consulted with her husband. And she started answering the question at hand. She said, now, Mr.

Dobson, I will give what little input I can on your marital subject. I've mulled over the ingredients of Richard's in my marriage. And also asked him what he thought was the lasting glue. And here are a few of our observations. Now, let me pause. She was a long, long time, solid member of the Church of God. Her husband was never a member. But you would never know it. Because he was one of those guys who would do anything for anybody.

And he just lived his life in a very Christian way. Although he wasn't. He didn't claim to be Christian. Continuing. First and foremost, we both agreed we entered marriage with the idea it was for life. For better or worse, in thickness or in health. But living involves other factors. And I believe a main factor is knowing we can completely trust and rely on each other.

Jealousy has never played a part. I've had the solid knowledge that Richard would always do all he could to provide for his family health permitting. When I was near death after losing a baby at five months along, he never left my side for that 10-day hospital stay. I would also stand by him regardless of health circumstances. And he knows it. He was a good father and supported his children in their endeavors. He always demanded their respect for us and for each other, even through some very unpleasant times.

It did pay off because they all love and respect each other and us to this day. We've had minor disagreements in our marriage, but never yelling or abusive talk or actions. Yes, we each have habits that irritate the other, and some of them are still with us, but with a sense of humor. Surely those can be coped with. A major glue is communication. I love to listen to his events of the day, and he always seems to enjoy my review of the day, which I give and try to add some humor to.

We've always talked over major decisions, and yet I appreciate that he will make the final decision on the action to be taken. One advice I would give newly married couples. Never go too far in putting your mate in a bad light, no matter how funny it may come across, or how true their failure in some area may be. Because you should never humiliate the other person in front of others.

At their expense is also at an expense to your relationship. Now, that doesn't mean you can't have humor and some good-natured kidding, but there is a fine line not to cross. In all of this, I just say our love has been unconditional, but we've worked to earn each other's respect. We're also an example of making a marriage work where one of us is a member of the church and the other is not. That has been a 30-year trial since God called me. That takes a lot of effort on the members' part to avert hard feelings from their spouse.

But a lot of credit goes to the non-member spouse who has been very supportive, although not always comfortable because the member had things to do that kept them from doing everything together, like go off to the feast or go to the Passover service. So I hope a few of my remarks can be of benefit. And then she asks us to please come visit. That's just one example of many letters that came in from couples. Some wrote brief notes. Some wrote or typed up about three single-space pages. But I want to condense, as I went through those years ago, there were certain themes that began to come together, and I want to share those basic keys that came out.

The first one we will look at is commitment. A marriage is a commitment. And in most marital vows that are used, there's a statement, "'Till death do we part." And it may say, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Let's go to Genesis 2, because the author of marriage, the one who has the authority to define marriage, is the Almighty Creator God.

And no human being or court of human beings can undo what the Creator God stated. Try as they may. Genesis 2, let's begin in verse 18. And the Lord God said, "'It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.'" The story continues of God having Adam then name the animals. The animals would pass by and review, and whatever name he assigned, that's what they were called. I think this is to not only name the animals, but also to impress upon Adam that there was no perfect counterpart for him.

The animals came by, the male and his female, but Adam was alone. So, verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. And he slept, and he, God, took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib from which the Lord God had taken the man, from the man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man.

And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. And so God created this singular unit. A man and a woman, a marriage. And there's a special sanction that is given there.

And as God looks at us, we're one in his eyes. We'll look a little later at a statement Peter made about how we are heirs together of the grace of life. Let's go also to Ephesians 5. Read one more passage, and then I'll mention some of the highlights from some of the letters on this thought of commitment.

Ephesians 5. We have a book written by a man who was single, and yet God inspired Paul to write probably more than we have from anyone on the topic of marriage. Our wedding ceremony, and the one that we had back in our former affiliation for a lot of years, always began quoting from Ephesians 5 in verse 21. And so let's begin in verse 21, where it says, submitting to one another in the fear of God. And that's good that we always remember that. Submission is a two-way street.

It is give and take. It is a shared existence. And yes, as the one letter that I read, they had habits that irritated each other, and they had to work on that. They had to get through that. Continuing, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. So wives are to submit to their own husband. It does not say a woman has to submit to every man that comes walking down the street. Some of them seem to go through life thinking that that's the way it ought to be.

But submit to your husband as to the Lord. The husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church. Let's drop down to verse 25. Husbands love your wives. It always interests me that this is repeated in another book. God emphasizes to men that it is so easy for us to forget to do this. Love your wives just as Christ loved the church. And then it reminds us that Christ gave his life for the church. That's the depth of his love, and that's the ideal at which we must strive for. That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word.

Let's go on down to verse 28. Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Verse 30. We are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, here he's quoting from back where we were in Genesis 2. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they too shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. I want to share a few brief statements from some of the letters that came in. As one man wrote, he lived in Lubbock, Texas. I remembered hearing what he was writing. I heard it in person sitting around their kitchen table. But when he was to marry, and he announced it to the family, his wife-to-be was pretty young. And he said his grandfather called him in, sat him down, and told him, And remember, you will have to look at her across the table for the rest of your life. And then with great emphasis, he said, marriage is for a lifetime. One of the ladies from the Lubbock church mentioned something that was very near and dear to her, that began to be a source of irritation between them. I won't say what it was, but she just chose to give it up, because she was committed to make a marriage work, more than doing whatever it was that she happened to enjoy. Another man from Texas, he wrote, that when a person marries, they should never think of themselves as not being married to their partner. And never think of having someone else outside. Commitment, he said, is thinking of no one else but your spouse.

Another lady wrote, before marriage, we discussed what we wanted, or that we wanted to make it a lifetime commitment. And we decided to put God first, mate second, and children third in our lives. Now think about that, because, yes, when you have little children, like that one, I heard Raven during a prayer, I think. That's the first time I've heard her make noise. She's such a sweet, quiet little baby. But when you have a little one, your entire lives revolve around caring for, nurturing, providing for, bringing up that child, and moving them toward the time when they're going to fly out of that nest. And sadly, it happens too fast.

But all along that process, you see, there are times where parents totally focus on the children being reared, and they're not maintaining the marriage throughout. But the day does come. They fly out of the nest, and you're back to the marriage. And unless it is maintained across the years, too many times you have a couple, when it's just them, they realize we've grown so far apart, we don't even like each other anymore. I mean, sometimes. So we've got to, and I think it's important, we have to take care of children, but maintain that marriage. God first, spouse, marriage, and then children. I read to you the lady's comments that she lost a child. That'll nearly cost her her life. Ten days in a hospital, her husband never left her side. That puts a face on commitment, doesn't it?

A lady from Portales, New Mexico wrote and said that, My husband and I always remind each other we are in this together. Come what may, we're in it together. There's just no other way to look at it. A man from Bakersfield told me of his parents' example of sticking together through what he called thick and thin. You've heard that statement. Through thick and thin. Whatever comes. All right, number two is respect. Let's talk about respect for a while. A marriage, for a marriage to last across the years, there has to be respect. We're hearing Ephesians 5. Let's read verse 33.

Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And respect is a spiritual value, and it goes both ways as well. Now let's go over to 1 Peter 3.

1 Peter 3. Peter had somewhat to say about marriage as well. And in fact, in 1 Peter 3, the earlier verses, he was addressing the fact that some of you wives have husbands who don't obey the word. Now, that might be a woman in the church who has a non-member husband, and it might be a woman in the church whose husband is in the church, and she knows he's not living his Christianity. He's not living like Jesus Christ. So verse 1, wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands. See, Peter says that as well. That even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. So he's stressing the importance of example, and we should never underestimate the power of a good example. And over years, it may be something God can use to change the heart of that person. When they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear, well, it talks about a dormant. Let's skip on down here to verse 7. Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor. Now, sinning them for respect would be honor or esteem or dignity. Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. And that's a sobering phrase to think about. That if we're not genuine and for real, if we're not living it, then that could hinder our prayers rising up to God when we cry out. But respect, again, a spiritual value. Respect cannot be decreed. It cannot be ordered. Sometimes there are those who try to demand. If it's a foreman of a work crew, if it's an officer in a military unit, oh, they can get it. Parents can get it from children because we're bigger for a while. My boys outgrew me. At any rate, we can't decree respect. It's something we have to earn. It's something we have to earn over time. To be respected, we have to live respectably. Our example, our lifestyle, is the basis for building respect. And human nature tends to disrespect and then to move further, actually tear down the way we view someone else. The key is the presence of God. If we can see God working in our spouse's life, then we have a lot to respect. Imperfect representatives of Christ as we all are. But as we see God working in our spouse's life, to that degree, we can respect. And the challenge is to look beyond our spouse's humanity and limitations and try to see God there. And as we do, we can respect that. Alright, some of the letters. One lady from New Mexico gave the... Okay, I read this a while ago. She mentioned about, don't ever humiliate your husband or your spouse in front of others.

Don't go too far in just this innocent joking, ribbing each other. We all learn there's a line out there. Don't cross over that line and go too far. Each couple's different where that line is. But she said something at their expense is also at an expense to your relationship.

Another lady from New Mexico wrote and told of a time, a story, when she had gotten input, advice, something. It was a choice she had to make, but she had gotten her husband's input and counsel. And then she disregarded it and did as she pleased. And she wrote of how greatly she regretted it as she admitted that her husband was right. You know, once in a while, ladies, a husband can be right. Yes, let's laugh about that.

She wrote, we value each other's opinion. And she was writing about respect, valuing the other's opinion. And too many times or something within our closest relationships, we may, maybe some stranger that tells us, gives us a little input. And we listen to that and give it greater credence than the one right there in our own household.

One couple from Bakersfield wrote a letter and they said, we both came from families that just didn't get along, always tearing each other down. When we married, we agreed that life was too short and we would never live that way. We also agreed we would never embarrass the other, especially in public, and we would always be polite. I probably told you a story. This is a man in Bakersfield where he had diabetes and he'd had parts of, you know, toes and parts of his foot removed. And finally it reached a point where it sadly was a double amputation. I went over, we lived about 80, 90 miles away from Bakersfield. I went over that day to see him in the hospital. As long hallway, right at the end as the hall turned, there was a door and there was a room there. And that was his room. He saw me way down there and he's back there in his bed and he's waving me down. And just to show you what kind of a character he was, I got in there and he said, Mr. Dobson, I came to this hospital and I was five feet nine inches tall and they say I'm going home at four foot five. And then he just laughed, but he was always that way. Just made the best of it. Can't change it anyhow. Let's go on another point, another theme that came out on qualities that make marriages last, is companionship. Now, we just read here in 1 Peter 3, verse 7, as being heirs together of the grace of life. We read earlier of God, the man, the woman, and they became one. We're a singular unit in so many ways, especially when we have the blessing where both are called to the body of Christ. Companionship. Let's go back over to Romans 12 and read verse 10.

Here Paul wrote, Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. So within the realm of marriage, do we give preference to? Do we just simply prefer the company of our spouse? I think the marriages that last for many decades, that's a common theme. That they're just pleased to be together. Denise and I, well, I can speak for myself. I'm just pleased to be with her. We may be sitting there and she's reading her Zane Gray Western. Wait a minute. I'm reading my Zane Gray Western, and she's reading something educational. But we're together. Maybe we're not talking, but we're together. And it's just something God designed within us to have a companion. What was at the great stage? Rocky said. Rocky, the first one, Rocky and Adrian. At one point he said, we fill gaps. I got gaps. She got gaps. Together, we fill gaps. We're together.

God created Adam, and he made it very clear. You're incomplete. You need a helper. Well, one man from West Texas wrote and said, as far as companionship, we need to be in love. We need to be and become the very best of friends and learn to be completely comfortable with each other at all times.

Another lady from Texas wrote about intimacy and companionship. It's found in love and caring and sharing and doing things for and with each other every day. If we're a part too much, it begins pulling out the fabric of that marriage.

A lady from way out in the middle of nowhere on a ranch in New Mexico, she said, we have always wanted to do everything we do together, whether work or play. If God willing, we want to die together. And you know, the longer you're married, I think more you can relate to that. They wanted to do everything together, whether work or play. His business was of building fences, and she was out there with him. They drive those T-posts and string that barbed wire and those clips, and she showed me once, using a screwdriver, how fast she could whip that thing around there, and it was amazing.

I'll use Denise's dad as an example. Sometime back, her dad told me his prayer every day is, number one, give me the strength to take care of my wife today, and number two, let me live a minute longer than she does. That's companionship. One man in Bakersfield just said, I consider it quality time, any time that I am alone with my wife. All right, number four is communication. A major part in any relationship is communication. Let's look at Colossians 4 and read verse 6.

Colossians 4 and in verse 6, it tells us, Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each other. Do we ever look at that verse and apply it then to our own marriage? Too many times in our closer relationships of life, we get, well, the old saying, familiarity breeds contempt. We can begin to take liberties. We can begin to say things we would never think of saying to somebody else. But let it be with grace, let it be seasoned with salt. There are a lot of things that we can cook, vegetables we can cook. And they're fine, but if you just add a little salt to taste and everyone likes a little bit more than others, slice that watermelon and oh boy, put a little salt on it. A little too much. I've been guilty of that. And it's a beautiful analogy. What it does, as far as then how we ought to be answering each other.

Well, communication, devotion, loyalty comes by learning who and what the other person is. One of the men up in Huntsville said, as far as getting, he was talking about getting out and fellowshipping, have people in your home, go see them in their homes. And he said, there's nothing like walking in somebody else's home and everything there tells you a lot more about that person. There's a story behind everything sitting over on a table or hanging on the wall. And of course, then there are pictures and all kinds of stories there.

But communication, it's give and take. It's a lot of listening, a lot of speaking. It's also a lot of asking God to help me to understand what the other person is trying to tell me. There are things in marriage that maybe is taken to God in prayer. And it's like God says, yeah, you're right. I think I'll open his mind in about 15 years. And then I'll see in the meantime what you're made of. It takes time. A lady from Texas wrote and said, my husband has encouraged me in everything I have ever wanted to do. And so much of that communication was his encouragement. Excuse me. You'd have to know the lady. As I recall, she went through seventh grade and just felt, I can't do anything, no way, no how. And what she needed was a Barnabas, a son of encouragement, and she got that. And it was years down the line, she was so excited to get her GED long after kids were gone. And then it was amazing some of the things she got into. She had phenomenal talent. But it was because of her husband's encouragement. Well, another person from Texas wrote and said, if marriage partners can keep the communication lines open and never yell and scream, then they can keep a marriage together. The couple I referred to at the beginning, who had passed their 65th anniversary, the lady wrote and said, It's very important to be able to talk to each other about everything and not find fault, but just help the other. Now, here's one. This man was from Roswell, New Mexico, a deacon, later ordained an elder, kind of the wise old owl of that congregation back then. And he's the one that typed out this long letter. But he said, We are told that many marriages fail because of a lack of communication. Couples must talk things over together often. They'd be surprised to find what a closeness that creates. It's good to have a meeting of the minds on things that are important to both. And then he said, Silence is a prison for the happiness of marriage. Now, I think that's profound. Too many times, we all pout and we all get our feelings hurt. And what do we do? I'm not going to talk to him. I'm not going to talk to her. We give him the cold shoulder, the silent treatment. And he said, Silence is a prison for marital happiness. Now, he used that analogy. He was a parole officer through his working years. He was never my parole officer, but he was a parole officer. And so a lot of times he was traveling and going and seeing, and then sometimes going to prisons this evening, too. Then he said, Talk together often and you'll experience a deeper understanding and love for each other. Be very slow to judge the other.

Number five is forgiveness. Forgiveness. Let's go to Matthew 6. So many places on this point we could turn to, but let's just notice the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 6 will begin in verse 12. This is, of course, the prayer, the outline of prayer that Christ gave when the disciples asked Him to teach us how to pray. Verse 12, part of our prayer is, Forgive us our debts. We're asking God, write free. Write off our debts to you as we forgive our debtors, as we set others free of what they owe us. Verse 14, For if you forgive men, their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

If you do not forgive men, their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. So we see it's hinged together. Forgive. Don't we have a hymn along that line? That's things along that line, Forgive and you will be forgiven? It's a beautiful point. Forgiveness. Many issues. It seems like they go to roost here, and 20 years later it's still an open sore, and somebody takes and pulls a scab off every so often, and it's never dealt with.

It never heals, because they never just totally forgive and set the other person free. Many times there are hurts or offenses that come to a marriage, and one is unwilling or unable to forgive. Well, a lady from Texas wrote, said, both of us in God's Church, it helps when two people work things out together. We have become more forgiving than we ever, we would have been otherwise. Lady New Mexico, try to build each other up by forgiving and then forgetting, and do it as quickly as you can.

Life is not perfect, and neither are you or your mate. That's a good point to file away, too. Sometimes when we are on the receiving end of being hurt, we focus on the spouse, and we forget about that person we see when we look in the mirror. And we're not perfect either. A couple from Bakersfield wrote and said, we had our problems over the years, as any couple does, but we kept working to make it work.

We didn't expect the other to be perfect because, of course, we aren't. But we learned to forgive and forget, and that's probably one of the most important aspects in any marriage. The man that I saw in the hospital that day, he also wrote, we all need to learn to say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Too many times we want to just, you know, we're in the middle of the heat of battle and we realize, you know, I just blew it.

Nothing like just saying, I'm sorry. And will you forgive me? Another man from Bakersfield, it takes work and being able to overlook, forgive and forget a lot of things that we can't change. That's a good point, too. Things happen. We can't roll the tape back and make it happen another way. We can't unring a bell once it's wrong. There are things we can't change, but then he said, then we have to put God first and look to Him daily for the help in changing ourselves.

Number six is God. I didn't really put these in any great order. It was just kind of the way they came to me and I wrote them down. But obviously, the marriage was ordained by God. And in our weddings in the church, we asked God in Heaven to bind this man and woman as a married unit. You can just make a note of Psalm 127, verse 1. Psalm 127, verse 1.

127, verse 1. Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it, unless the Lord guards the city. And like the hedge we were hearing about in the sermonette, the hedge, the protective hedge that has been around this nation that is obviously going, the watchman stays awake in vain. To the degree that God is, can we say, a third partner in a marriage?

To the degree that God is engaged in a marriage. To that degree, a marriage can succeed and thrive. God is the author of marriage. One man, one woman, he did it. What he did was right. Man can't redefine. Man can play games. But it is right in the way God created it. It can only work, though, if he is in the middle of that marriage. A lady in Texas wrote and said, we feel that the most important ingredient is to have God at the head of our marriage. There's truth to the old saying, a family that prays together stays together. A man in New Mexico said, one important element of a long and happy marriage is bring God into your home.

You do that through your Bible study, your prayer, and by daily living as Christ lived. The church must be a living reality in our life. God must be real to us. Our faith in Christ must be evident in the way we behave and treat others. Living like Christ is essential for a long and happy marriage. A lady from California lived up north of Bakersfield with her husband.

They were up in years, even at that time. They lived in Delano, which is a Filipino community, a Filipino couple in the church there. She wrote back to my letter, her husband's health was such that he couldn't respond. She said when she was back in her 20s, probably 60 years earlier, she was praying to God that he, that God, would send the right man to her.

She wrote, I believe that Almighty God answered my prayers. That's one of the reasons our marriage lasts until now. The later in the letter, she wrote, our obedience to our Father in Heaven will always keep us together as husband and wife until our life ends.

Alright, one more, and that's love. Romans 5, verse 5, the latter part. Romans 5, verse 5, partway into it. The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. So God pours out His love. We know that in the Bible, there in the New Testament, there are three different Greek words that are used that are translated as love. Sometimes it's eros, which is the physical attraction. God created us to be physically attracted to our spouse.

There is Philaeo from whence we get Philadelphia, brotherly love. But Philaeo is this love as brethren, love as brothers, sisters. And then there's Agape, that's the love of God. Every marriage has to be based on love. Every mate needs to be loved. Every human being on this earth needs to be loved. Love binds to and to one. There are people who seem to live and go through life, and they haven't been loved.

A child that grows up and is kicked around here to there, they may have difficulty relating to what love is. But love is based on sharing and giving. Love will stand the test of time. Love will stand the test of selfishness. Love will win out over time. And it does take time. Love intensifies over time. Love is to be unconditional. Love to our children. We may not always love things they choose to do.

That doesn't affect the love that we have for them. Love is forever. It's timeless. And after all, once upon a time, if you're married, you did stand there and you took vows. And we vowed to do things like to love and to cleave and to cherish and to respect and to provide. A lady from a ranch out in New Mexico wrote, We think that love is the best answer to an enduring marriage. In a way, marriage reminds me of a Christian. If a Christian really wants to please God, he's going to try harder every day.

A man in California wrote, said, I believe that love, patience, and endurance has much to do with a long marriage. Another man from California said, also learned to say, I love you often and mean it. A lady from California wrote and said, you wanted to know what we attribute our long marriage. They'd been married 48 years at that time. She said, I have loved that redhead for more than 60 years. They met when they were little. They were little kids. She said, I knew I loved him then. And there's been a lot of give and a lot of take and lots of respect and shared interests.

Let's go to 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, because here it says, if you don't have love, the first verse says, you're just making noise. You're just like a clanging cymbal. And if you have the gift of prophecy, verse 2, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, though I have all faith, so I could remove mountains, but I have not love, I'm nothing.

Let's go to verse 4. Love suffers long. And sometimes, to love, you do have suffer. And sometimes we cause others to suffer. And love is kind. Kindness is love in little things, having good manners. Love does not envy what a curse it is when you've got jealousy that gets in the middle of a marriage. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. Too many in marriages have been easily provoked and get into horrible arguments. Love is guileless. It thinks no evil.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, because back in the day when you stood there and said, I do, you didn't know what life was going to throw at you. We were so young, we had no clue what was going to happen down the line, and neither did you. But once in a while, life just storms up and just lets loose all over you. That tries the fabric of a marriage. Whether you can bear all things and endure all things, love never fails. Now, I keep these letters in a file. They're mine. There's a lot of wisdom there from people who have been down the road a long time. Some of what they learned came from the School of Hard Knocks. But most importantly, their responses are based on the Word of God. Let's just conclude by paraphrasing a bit of those last statements. We have, in any congregation, some wonderful sterling examples of marriages that are enduring across the decades. And so to you, we say, keep the faith, keep it bright, keep it shining, and may God bless your marriage. Thank you.