Wisdom of the Tongue

Well, good afternoon, everybody. It's good to be here. Privileged to be here. Thank you for the special music, both Mr. Parker and the preteens, the children's choir. There's nothing more wise than to sing praises to God. So, it was just beautiful. The title of my split sermon today is Wisdom of the Tongue. When to speak up and when to shut up. Wisdom is a worthwhile thing to gain.

I appreciated very much Mr. Erwiller's sermon. He said, wisdom comes from God, not from man. It's not soiled and dirtied by people and carnality.

Very well said. That's especially true when it comes to the words that we say.

I can't talk about everything on speech in the Bible. It is a huge topic in the Bible.

But we can't address when to speak and when not to speak.

Just that very specific. We're not even going to talk about what to say, although we'll cover it a little bit. Just when to speak and when to keep your trap shut.

How can you know when to speak? How do you know how you should give an answer? Let's go to Colossians 4, verses 5 and 6. We will touch on what to say as well, but especially when to say it. Colossians 4, verses 5 and 6. Walk in wisdom, the Apostle Paul writes, toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. This is Colossians 4, verses 5. Now, verse 6. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

So here Paul combines wisdom with the concept of speaking.

When do you say something and when do you keep your trap shut? And how do you gain the wisdom to know which to do?

This is a difficult task to undertake for all of us, every one of us, myself included. It's often said of those who speak well that they have a golden tongue. Wow, he has a golden tongue. Is that actually true? I say nay nay. James, chapter 3, verse 2. Let's go there. We'll come back to this at the end. James, chapter 3, and verse 2. Does anybody really have a golden tongue? Or do we need to put some thought and effort into this topic? You and I, do we need it? Even if we've been in the church for 50 years?

Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

James, chapter 3, verse 2. For we all stumble in many things.

If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man.

You know, I'm sure there are some close to perfect people here. I'm not among them.

But none of us are perfect, and that is James' point. We all have a little growing to do in this particular subject. Wisdom of the tongue.

If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, also able to bridle the whole body. Indeed, if we put a bit in a horse's mouth, they may obey us. And we turn the whole body. Look at ships! Although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder, wherever the pilot desires. Even so, the tongue, a little member, boasts great things. In other words, there are great consequences to the words we say.

See how great a forest a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is set among its members, and it defiles the body, and it sets on fire the course of nature. Yes, our mouths get us into more trouble than just about anything that we can do.

It is most often superseded by what we say. In fact, first we usually say it. We say it usually before we do it.

It's set on fire by hell. In other words, by the grave. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile or creature of the sea is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind. I watched a Discovery show where they caught great white sharks, live caught. You might have seen this one. They had a boat with a platform that went under the water. They would catch the shark and haul it up onto the platform, and then raise the platform up. Then they would flip the shark over, and he would go all catatonic. They would measure him and put a little satellite tracker in him, and then lower the platform down and gently wake up the shark! It was a big, great white shark! They were petting it. Come on, boy, you can do it! They let him go, and they would do this over and over again. There's not an animal that man can't figure out. He can't figure out how to tame, except one.

It's this one.

It is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. Verse 8, But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deathly poison. Who has a golden tongue? Not me. Not you.

So how do you gain this wisdom? This wisdom of knowing when to speak and when not to speak? Knowing what to say? How do you gain that? Do you gain it by experience?

Mr. Erwiller said you don't. And I would just like to back him up on that. Let's go to Job 32.

There's a connection here between wisdom and the fear of the Lord. And that's what Mr. Erwiller said. He said, If you respect God, you will gain wisdom. But you don't gain it by growing old. You don't gain it by gaining experience.

I have seen some very elderly people say some very unruly things.

Unfitting things for the gray hair that sat upon their head. Job 32, Job had three friends and a young man sitting off to the side. Through the whole story, the three friends were giving him advice. But they didn't have the one piece of information that they needed to give Job advice. And that piece of information was what God was doing. They didn't have the reason behind Job's trial. So they accused Job and told him to repent of this and that and the other thing. Oh, these wise, great men gave really silly advice. And finally, a young man speaks up. And in Job 32, it says in verse 6, So Elihu, the son of Barakal, the Buzite, probably butchered those Hebrew words, but I'm not Hebrew. He answered and said, I am young in years and you are very old. Therefore, I was afraid. I dared not declare my opinion to you. And that was wise. The Proverbs are chock full of saying, you know, go to the elderly people to get advice. It's not that you don't get advice from people who have gone before. That's not the point. The question is, where does the wisdom of the tongue come from? Does it come from experience? No, it does not. You can grow old. You can go all of your life and actually not have a clue of when to speak and when not to speak.

He said, I was afraid. I dared not declare my opinion to you. I said, age should speak.

Oh, of course! We should listen to those people with experience.

And the breath of the Almighty gives him understanding.

But in verse 9, he says, great men are not always wise, nor do the aged always understand justice.

If they don't get their wisdom from God, it's senseless. You only gain wisdom from God through age, or you only gain wisdom through age, if you gain it through God over time. So it's not enough to listen to elderly people. Listen to godly elderly people.

That's what he was saying. There are plenty of proverbs that talk about getting advice from elders or elderly, but none say that age alone makes their advice wise. It's those people who have experience in following God who become wise. Those are the people you listen to. Those are the people you learn from. My father told me that you do not get advice on marriage from a man who's been divorced multiple times. Dave Ramsey, the financial planner, says, don't get financial advice from a poor man.

There are a lot of professors who are broke, who teach finance in college. He says, don't listen to them. They're broke! What do they know?

Do not gain wisdom from the tongue from people who do not follow God. Wisdom from the tongue comes from God, not age and experience alone. So I'm going to give us three points of how to learn when to speak up and when to shut up. Three simple points, and then we're going to do a biblical lesson. We're going to dissect a proverb and apply these points, and hopefully it'll work.

Okay, three points we're going to go through. One, ask God for help. Verbal,y ask Him for help with your mouth.

Second, listen to God's response to your request through His Word.

Listen to His response through His Word.

A lot of us say, I've been praying about this one thing. God just won't answer me. I just don't know what to do. Have you studied it? He might have already given the answer before you were ever born. You might just have to open the pages and read it.

Number two, listen to God's response through His Word.

And number three, point number three will be, think before you speak.

Think.

Put thought into your speech. Okay, point number one. I get all of these from either Solomon or his father David. Let's go to Psalms, chapter 141, and we'll start in verse two.

This first point, ask God for help. Literally, verbally, ask God to help you know when to speak and when to be quiet. He wants to hear from you. He wants to hear your sincere request.

Psalm 141, verse two.

Let my prayer be set before you as incense.

Hebrews are very poetic language. In other words, David is saying, Please listen to me! Please hear me.

The lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice May my prayer to you be heard. And then he says in verse three, and this is what we all should ask God, Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, And keep watch over the doors of my lips, As if to say, Even I, King David, the great psalmist, Need help with my words. And if he needs help, Boy, how do you do I need help? And we all do, brethren.

Ask God for help.

But don't stop there. This is actually a difficult topic to tackle. This is a difficult issue to overcome. And this one, Wisdom of the Tongue takes effort. A life-long effort.

Second point, In gaining wisdom of the tongue, is to listen to God's response through his word. I would like to take a stroll through the longest chapter in the Bible on this one. Psalm 119.

We're not going to read very many verses, but this is a really long chapter. We'll just kind of skip through it and take the principle from it. Psalm 119, verse 9. Listen to how valuable God's word is in forming the way we think and therefore forming the words that come out of our mouth. Psalm 119, verse 9. Let's start down in verse 9. How can a young man cleanse his way?

By taking heed according to your word. This is just like what Mr. Erwiler said. How do we clean up? How do we become pure? By paying attention to God's word. With my whole heart I have sought you, oh, let me not wander from your commandments. Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I may not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord, teach me your statutes. And in verse 13, notice the connection to speaking. With my lips, what does he say? I have declared all of your judgments of your mouth, all of the judgments of your mouth. King David concentrating on speaking the truth of God. He learned it, and then he spoke it.

Let's drop down to verse 97.

Same chapter, verse 97. Oh, how I love your law. I believe we sang this as a hymn this morning. It is my meditation all the day. You, through your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies are my meditation. And the implication there is that his teachers did not learn the word of God.

Had his teachers learned the word of God, he wouldn't have been wiser than his teachers.

But he studied the word of God, and was actually wiser than his math professor, his science teacher.

Those people that didn't believe in God. David could see he could make better judgments, better... what did Mr. Errol call it? Common sense, street smarts.

David had more of it than even his professors, because he studied God's word. I have more understanding than all my teachers, for your testimonies.

I think about are my meditation. Let's drop down to 103. Verse 103. How sweet your words to my taste. Sweeter than honey to my mouth. Through your precepts, I get understanding. And therefore, I hate every false way. And we're going to get into false speaking in just a moment. And how do you learn the difference?

You've got to dive in. So it's not enough just to have point one. It's not enough to control your tongue, to know when to speak, when not to speak, and to know what to say. Just by praying to God.

Maybe in a trial, of course, he'll give you the words to say. But he's going to also let you speak from your heart.

And your heart needs to be filled with his word. You look for the answer to what to say from his precepts. You don't just study it. David said he meditated on it. He thought about it. They were sweet.

More sweet than honey to his mouth.

Verse 105. Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. Drop down to verse 171 now. So, how are we to speak?

When we pray to God, and when we gain wisdom from his word, and we're going to jump into some practical application of this in just a moment. But he says in verse 171, My lips shall utter praise.

Ask yourself, what percentage of your words are praise?

What percentage of your words are neutral? And what percentage of your words are a complaint? A murmuring. A gripe.

A grump.

My lips shall utter praise, for you teach me your statutes. My tongue shall speak of your word, for all your commandments are righteousness. Let your hand become my help, for I have chosen your precepts. And I long for your salvation, O Lord. And your law is my delight.

So, pray to God, and ask him to guard your mouth. And then, study! To learn what should come out of your mouth when you open it.

And then, there's something else you have to do.

Yep, there's actually more.

Like I said at the beginning, this one's a toughy.

This one, you don't get automatically, just by gaining experience and growing old.

Point number three in controlling the tongue, wisdom of the tongue, is think before you speak. In other words, another way to put that is, put effort into choosing the right words. This is a personal responsibility point.

You've prayed to God, and you've studied to God, you still say the wrong thing.

Because you have to put effort into it.

Proverbs chapter 15 and verse 28.

Proverbs chapter 15, I'm going to read this from the New Living Translation. Puts it in more conversation type English.

Proverbs chapter 15 and verse 28, New Living Translation. The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking.

A godly man puts effort into his speech or her speech.

But here's the opposite point.

The mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words. I love the poetry there. I love that.

One of them you're very careful and very choosey with your words. And the other one, you just let them flow. And by implication, if you don't think about your words, evil will come out of your mouth. That's what that proverb means. If we're not careful with our words, we do damage with our words. Oh, how many things I would love to take back.

How many things I would love to unsay if only there were a reset button.

But there isn't! Hence this proverb. Proverbs 15 and verse 28. The heart of the godly thinks carefully before he or she speaks.

But you let those words overflow and evil comes out. So wisdom of the tongue comes from God, not from age and experience alone. You have to ask God for help and then listen to God's response through his word. Unless you're a prophet and God speaks directly to you. See Mr. Smith after services, if that's the case.

And then third, think before you speak. Take responsibility, ownership of your words, and put some effort into it. So now let's go through a quick lesson. I'm going to do a scenario here. This is a scenario that I faced multiple times when I was a youth. I faced it when I was a young adult. I still face it today. And I bet our youth faced this very scenario themselves.

What happens when a friend confides in you, and says, so and so invited me to a party and there's going to be booze. I'm telling my parents I'm going to go to your house, but I'm really going to the party. When to speak, and when not to speak.

When to open your mouth, and when to stay out of it. Well, there is a proverb that says, you're supposed to cover a matter. Maybe it applies. Let's go read it.

Proverbs 17 and verse 19. Oh, maybe we can get out of this one. Maybe we can just ignore it. Proverbs 17 and verse 9. He, read it for yourself. I'll wait for you to get there. Proverbs 17 9. Maybe this is your excuse. Proverbs 17 9. He who covers a transgression seeks love.

All you got to do is cover it up. And you love. All right. I like that proverb.

Because there's no responsibility on me.

Or am I reading that wrong? Was I turning my head toward my own opinion when I read that proverb? Maybe. Probably.

But he who repeats a matter separates friends. Well, we don't want to do that.

We don't want to separate friends from each other. So we better keep our mouth shut. There. We've prayed about it. Listen to the word of God. We're keeping our mouth shut. Good to go.

Or are we misreading this and looking for an excuse?

At first glance, this seems like we're supposed to keep people's secrets. But there's actually more to this proverb than meets the eye. It's actually a very telling proverb. Puts personal responsibility, weight, right on our shoulders. This proverb is actually kind of a heavy burden proverb.

Let me explain.

The Jameson Fawcett Brown commentary says that word cover doesn't mean cover up.

It's kind of like the word. It's not the word for atonement. It's kind of like the word for atonement. It means to forgive.

So it really doesn't mean a friend covers a matter. It means a friend forgives a matter.

It's forgiveness or forbearance. So if we read that proverb, he who forgives a transgression seeks love, it completely changes the meaning.

You can't forgive something you don't own. Let me explain.

Let's say I offend you. Happens all the time. I offend you. And you come to me and we work it out. Okay, that took some maturity. I offended you. You forgave me. But when you forgave me, do I now no longer have to pay my mortgage? Is that forgiven also? Are you my bank? You forgave me. Now I don't have to make a mortgage payment next month. And I still get to keep my house, right? Well, no. Well, that's ridiculous. Because you don't own my mortgage. You own the offense that I caused you. And you can forgive me of that one offense that you own. That you don't own my house. So when I make my payment to my house, that payment isn't to you. And therefore, you can't forgive that. Make sense? Make sense? In the Sermon on the Mount, when Jesus Christ was giving us the model prayer, He said something very interesting about forgiveness. He said, Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Putting forgiveness into a sort of a financial transaction. In other words, forgiveness is only what you are owed. You can't forgive somebody of something they owe somebody else. So when I forgive you and you forgive me, you and I still have to go repent before God. Because our sin against Him is against Him. It's not against you and it's not against me. Now, let's take that concept of forgiveness. That you can only forgive what you own and plug it back into this proverb. This proverb says, He who covers or forgives a transgression seeks love. But He who repeats a matter separates friends. You know what this proverb really means? It means if someone has hurt you and you blab it to other people, you're doing harm to your friend and you're actually increasing the offense. Now, it's not only you and that person who offended you who's separated by this transgression, but bunches of people are now separated by the same one simple transgression that could have simply been forgiven. When do you shut your mouth? When do you keep it quiet? When it's against you? When you can resolve it quietly and you own it and you have the power in your hands to forgive it. What are you seeking when you do that? The very character of God, love, because God forgives us all the time. Otherwise, we would just be little burn spots all over the earth. The earth would just be covered with little lightning strikes everywhere. You do a transgression, boom! You're done. He doesn't do that, does He? It's the most loving God, and that's the way He's asking us to become. When somebody transgresses against us, when it's something that we own, we don't speak up. We're actually willing to be wronged. Matthew 18 gives us a process for when it needs to be dealt with and when to speak up. You go to your brother alone. If they won't hear you, you take a trusted friend with them. If they won't hear you, you go to the church. There's a process when something needs to be dealt with. You can get advice on when to do that and when not to do that. But in principle, and the Proverbs are just principles, it's better most of the time when someone has offended you, especially when you can get on with your day without any kind of payback at all, just move on. Don't even say anything. And when you do that, you seek love. But when you spread that around, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, wisdom of the tongue, not only are you and that friend separate, but now you've separated other people from that friend or you because they might get offended at you for spreading it around. It's a very risky thing. When to keep your mouth shut, when it's against you, when to not keep your mouth shut. Well, let's look at another biblical principle found in Ephesians 4, verse 29.

I'm going to read this from the NIV because it makes it so clear. Your words are to benefit other people, not tear them down. When do you speak and when do you not speak? You speak when it benefits other people. You keep your mouth shut when it tears them down. Ephesians 4, verse 29 from the NIV, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. Any? None. That is a tall order. That's the standard that we're going to.

What a goal to have! Don't let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth. Well, what defines unwholesome? Read on. But only what is helpful for building others up. Notice this next phrase, according to their needs. What words are supposed to come out of our mouth are words that benefit other people. And when they tear other people down, we are unwise. Because we are unlike God who is loving. Our words, in principle, are to build people up.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. That it may benefit those who listen. Our words are supposed to be a benefit. So how do you know when to speak up and when to shut up? Let's go back to that scenario. A friend, someone you care about, is about to lie to their parents, sneak off to a party, and do who knows what that will damage them severely.

Although they don't see it as damaging right now, they can't wait to get to that party. What do you do? According to Ephesians 4, verse 29, and according to Proverbs 17, verse 9, you're not covering up a matter that's against you. You need to benefit your friend. The best way to benefit your friend is first tell them, you better not do that, I won't let you do that.

And if they proceed to do it anyway, your words need to benefit your friend. You actually need to be a friend and open your mouth to somebody who can stop them from hurting themselves permanently. I've made that mistake more than once, and I've actually spoken up. And the fear is, if I speak up, then everybody will hate me.

Yeah, in the short run, that's actually true. If you speak up, your friend will be mad at you. That's for sure. Later, they will thank you. I had a friend in high school who was heavily into drugs. I never said anything to anybody. Probably should have. Except I said it to him constantly.

I won't use his real name, so I'll call him Ted. So, Ted, you're a drunk and you're an addict. I like you, but you're a drunk and an addict, and you need to kick it. And I told him that all the time. Well, I mean, a little good it did. If we'd go on a field trip, and I'd be riding with Ted, and that wasn't his name, he'd reach me in the back and pull something out of a cooler.

I didn't realize he had a cooler. What was it? Huge beer! He drank the whole thing down while driving. I can't believe how fast that guy could drink beer! Just gone! I'd have thrown it up. He drank it so fast. But he drank a lot of beer.

And then he handed it to me. I don't know what to do with it. Throw it out the window. You know what I did? I did! I threw it out the window! What an idiot! But I didn't, you know, I wasn't accustomed throwing beers out of a moving car. So I didn't make it into the grass.

Oh no, no, it hit the road and shattered everywhere. All the cars behind me, full of high school students. What was that? Oh, Rod threw a beer out the window. That wasn't me! Okay, it was me. But it wasn't my beer. You know what happened later? I was the only one who spoke up to Ted. He came to my house one day when I was mowing the lawn long after high school. And he pulled up and there was Ted! He said, Ted, what are you doing here? He said, Rod, thank you. For what? Always telling me I was a drunk.

He said, you were right. I was. And I'm trying to get over it. And you will think that speaking up will get you hated and mocked and ridiculed when actually it will do benefit. When do you speak and when do you shut up? You shut up when it does harm. You speak when it does benefit. And don't fear the consequence.

Oh, yeah, I got ridiculed quite a bit for speaking up. No, I don't go to parties. No, I don't get drunk. No, I don't do drugs. Thank you very much. Yeah, you know, I know I'm old, but they did have drugs back when I was a kid. I've seen lots of them. They would just pour them out on the table. You want some drugs? No, I don't do drugs. What are you doing here? It's high school? Trying to learn something? When do you speak? Let's read that proverb from a different version from the New Living Translation. Let's go back there. Proverbs 17 and verse 9. Proverbs 17-9. Love prospers when a fault is forgiven.

In other words, don't spout your mouth when you're going to do harm. But dwelling on it separates close friends. You don't need to be the person with the golden tongue. You just need to know when to speak and when to shut up. There's a lot more to learn than just this one lesson from this one proverb that we covered today. And it takes a lot of study and a lot of hard work.

So please remember that wisdom of the tongue does not come from age and experience. It comes from God. Follow these steps that King David and his son Solomon gave us in the psalms and the proverbs. Ask God for help with your tongue.

Listen to God's response through his word and then think about it carefully before you open your mouth. And in the end, we all probably will be able to speak words of wisdom just like Jesus Christ did when he was on the earth. And we want to be able to speak the way he guided his servants when they wrote the Bible. But we're not there yet. None of us are. And remember what we read in James chapter 3.

The words that we say can have a huge impact like a small fire that kindles the entire forest. Let's pick it back up in James chapter 3 and verse 7, where we left off. James 3, we read verse 7. Let's read it again. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It's an unruly evil full of deadly poison. With this, we bless our God and Father, and we curse men. There's that doing damage to other people who have been made in the similitude of God.

Out of the same mouth precedes blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not be so. Does the spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? The answer's no.

But we'll sing praise to God right at the end of this sermon. Will we complain out of the same mouth?

Verse 11. No, verse 12. Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives or a grapevine figs?

You know what James is saying there? You are what you say.

What comes out of your mouth is what you are.

Thus no spring yields salt water and fresh. Who is wise and understanding among you?

Let him show it by good conduct. And in context, he's talking about speech.

That his works are done in meekness and wisdom.

At least he's including speech. He's also including everything we do.

But he started this passage, remember, with what we say.

Verse 14. But if you have bitter envy, now he gets to the heart of the matter. Now he gets to what we're thinking on the inside, which prompts the things that we say on the outside. And he says, if you have bitter envy, self-seeking in your heart, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, and demonic. And we've heard this already. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

But the wisdom that is above is first pure and then peaceable. And I want to drop down, because we've already heard that, to verse 18. The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. It takes a lot of thought to know what to say and when to say it. It takes prayer, it takes study, and even after that, it takes a lot of effort on your part. Put that effort in and speak from the point of view that everything you say will lead to and promote the one thing that God is bringing to you. That God is bringing to this earth the one thing that should come out of our mouth, which is peace.