Marriage

The statement we read from the Council of Elders included the biblical teaching that human marriage reflects the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. Even though we live out our marriages in the flesh marriage is a spiritual relationship as much as it is a physical relationship… and it’s a relationship that is desirable and purposeful.

Has God Given Us Instructions to Follow For Marriage?

Or, are we left on our own to figure the rest of it out? Are we left wondering what God really intended? The answer is: God our creator has indeed given us sound instructions regarding marriage…

The First Marriage

The importance of marriage in the bible is perhaps best seen in its placement in the book. After creation itself the bible begins with… a married couple. In the beginning God made two models in His own likeness or after His own kind. One was male and the other was female - Gen 1:27 (note: the fact that they were different sexually but still both in God’s image tells us that sexuality or gender is not a factor in being made in God’s image).

God the creator gave the man and the woman the ability to reproduce through sex… “be fruitful and increase in number”! They had body parts that fit together in an obvious manner that made reproduction and increase happen. This is a truth from biology and creation that should be self evident. And what did God say about this self evident reality? He looked at what He had made and said “this is good” – Gen 1:31.

Sexuality is more than just having the right parts. It is the centerpiece of a relationship that takes place on a very high level… a God plane relationship… marriage between a man and a woman… which teaches us about the relationship of Christ and the Church… of which you are part.

Gen 2:18 Man was not designed to be alone… a man is designed to be with a woman. Likewise the woman was explicitly and specifically made to be a companion on his own level.

Regarding the word help or helper: it’s a translation of the Hebrew word  ay'-zer, used 21 times in OT… mostly to describe God in action. For example: “We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield” Ps 33:20 … so its not necessarily conveying the sense of subordination we have in our common use of the word “helper” in the English language.

I say this to emphasize the high level of the husband and wife relationship… the God plane level of this marriage relationship between two beings each made in the image of God. We will cover roles of male and female in marriage later on in the message.

Nor is this intended as a slam against single people. A single person can also be whole and complete. Jesus was single…. Paul drew out the spiritual significance of singleness in his epistles… but right now we are specifically discussing marriage.

Where Do We Find The Most Important Biblical Teaching on Marriage?

Gen 2:24-25 – once again its right here at the very beginning of the book. From this short verse we are going to find 4 fundamental concepts regarding marriage. Leaving/Joining/Oneness/Goodness/and then I am going to add another… Authority

ONE: Leaving Your Father & Mother… to Establish a New Family Unit

Honoring your parents, closeness, seeking their advice is a good thing… and advisable. But, you two are a new family unit. The family you grew up in had their own way of doing things… but that does not mean your spouse will want to do things the same way. Their family had their own manners & traditions which they likely see as equally valid.

So, you must learn to work together, in harmony.  Showing respect, honor, understanding and love toward each other. This sounds like something very simple like you learned in kindergarten… yet, it is a highly spiritual principle and one that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.

TWO: Joined & United Together

Another way to say it might be to bond together… other than bonding with God, bonding with your spouse should be your highest commitment and priority. We build that bond through actions… physical affection, hugs, kissing, affectionate and kind words, gifts, acts of service, spending time together, willingness to listen, showing humility in working out differences.

Mention Love Languages Book

A common misconception is that love is an emotion… not so. Desire is an emotion but the love that desire leads to is actions. The truth is that loving relationships must be worked at, they require mental and physical effort. Love is care and consideration that is shown to, done towards the other person.

Discuss James – faith, and works etc.

THREE: Oneness…. Become One Flesh

I Corinthians 7:3-5 A loving sexual relationship is central to successful marriage.

What is sex? Today people talk about human sexuality as nothing more than a necessary biological function... animals breathe / so do humans… animals eat / so do humans… animals have sex / so do humans… I want it, I need it, I’ll get it where I can.

Human sex is different…  Why would I say that?

What makes sex more than a mere biological function when it's humans men and women who are doing it?

Only humans appear to engage in sex for pleasure outside of reproduction. In that way, it is one of the means by which a man and a woman unite and bond their lives together as mentioned in point 2. Also, for human sex to be safe and secure for both parties it needs to be performed in an environment of faithfulness and loyalty… which only marriage provides… sex outside marriage is a minefield of disease and contamination… producing children outside of marriage is dangerous and often disastrous.

As part of human reproduction sex within marriage is a special act that we are to hold in high esteem. It is the act that leads to the creation of a new being who also bears the image of God. In this way, becoming one flesh, we fulfill God’s desire that we produce Godly offspring. Malachi 2:15

Human sex is the act that initiates new life after the likeness of God in the flesh that has the potential to become spirit life in the family of God… of the God kind. Note: It is not the sex act itself but the product of sexual activity, the godly offspring, that fulfills our physical part in God’s plan to reproduce Himself after His own kind on a spirit level… I say this because confusion along these lines leads the infinitely creative human mind to some very weird places.

Hebrews 13:4 Because of the role human sexuality has in God’s design for the universe it is to be treated as something honorable and kept pure. I think the element of purity introduced here is a NT reference to the OT teaching on clean and unclean, holiness and defilement… but it could also be a reference to purity in the sense of “unmixed with foreign elements”… for example “pure gold”… either way it is a state or status that human sexuality can only achieve within the boundaries of marriage according to God’s guidelines.

Likewise, the relationship of Christ and the Church is honorable, pure, faithful, loyal, safe and secure for those who are part of the assembly of God. And His desire is that we be as one with Him.

Caveat: sex outside of marriage also produces new life in the image of God. And that new life has the same potential for son-ship in the family of God as anyone. But a sexual relationship outside of marriage does not picture the relationship of Christ and the church. It is something completely different.

FOUR: Not Ashamed

Gen 2:25 the man and the woman were not ashamed of their nakedness when they were together. Sexuality was not and is not dirty, nasty, or degrading. The husband and wife should feel comfortable with each other’s bodies and with their respective femininity and masculinity.

The first man and the woman were alone… there was no potential for outsiders to look at them. So, their nakedness together is not an argument for public nudity as a more natural and Godly state… or a rationalization for boldly revealing your body to others.

I don’t have any regulations for you on hemlines, necklines, heel heights, tightness or sheerness… I want you work that out for yourselves. But I do have some spiritual principles I want you to consider when you are working out your wardrobe.

Enticement & temptation – overly revealing clothing on both men and women is like an invitation to outsiders and strangers into that physical intimacy that should be only experienced in marriage. I understand this is conditioned by the setting… what is considered overly revealing here at a Sabbath service or at a public restaurant is different from what is considered overly revealing swimming at the beach? Use the wisdom God has given you and be willing to take counsel from the older generation in this regard.

Pride & vanity – I’ve heard more than once “my husband likes it when I dress like this, he wants me to look sexy”… “I want to look attractive and modern”… I am not going to offer you a psychoanalysis on what’s driving ideas like this all I ask is that you think about the motive and intent behind ideas like this and look honestly at your own intent.

I Peter 3:1-7 Modesty in how we reveal our bodies says a lot about us as a person.

• What is your level of respect for your own sexuality and its high-level purpose in God’s plan
• what is your level of respect for others not leading them into lust or ENVY,
• What is your level of respect for God and His desire that sexuality be contained within a marriage relationship that is pure and set apart

FIVE: God Ordained Authority

As we have mentioned the marriage relationship teaches us about the relationship of Christ… AND the Church and Christ’s relationship to the church teaches us about marriage. Christ’s relationship to the church is a model of loving leadership and appropriate respect for the leader’s authority.

Eph 5:22-33 the word love here is agape… the word for respect is phobeo meaning fear

The way Jesus leads the church is the way husbands should lead their wives (and families). Jesus Christ is the model of selfless love toward you, commitment to you, attention to your needs, hearing you when you need to talk, and He always has your best interests at heart. A human leader like that would be easy to follow… wouldn’t he?

The Response to Loving Leadership is Not Guaranteed

 Would you treat a loving leader him as a pushover? Or would you respond with respect? I think some people would go for option 1 … for many people seem to take Christ’s love for granted and don’t respond with respect to His commands in return…

“Yeah, but my husband isn’t like that… I’d start respecting him if he’d just shape up”. Women… you cannot withhold respect until he begins to act the way you want. Men… you cannot command that she submit while acting in a manner that is unloving.

Is that how Christ deals with the church? Is that how He deals with you as an individual? No

The scriptures clearly teach that both in marriage and in life… each of us should do our part even if the other person does not. Individuals acting alone can positively influence a marriage partner… as we read in 1 Peter 3

Why are men in charge?

Are women inferior? Is it a sexist or demeaning relationship for women? If women were in charge wouldn’t we be asking… Why are women in charge?

Consider this: somebody has to be in charge. If authority in the family were merit-based then marriage would be a contest… a constant struggle for dominance and control… we’d be so obsessed about who’s in charge that we’d have little time to do all the other stuff we just talked about.

The things that lead to harmony, love, oneness, loyalty affection and all the rest... putting on the mind of Christ.

When Christ returns He will have all authority. There will be no contest to see who’s the best or the fittest to lead… no politics or wars to settle the matter. Think about how much time and energy and the pain goes into determining who’s in charge in human society. With Christ in charge, we will have time to focus on actions that express love, harmony, respect, oneness, unity and so much more.

Your marriage if you determine in your heart and mind to follow God’s instructions for it… gives you the opportunity to start practicing all those things today.